Worst Movies Ever?

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Post by Kameko » Thu May 12, 2005 9:19 am

Harry Potter 3

They had the important stuff in the movie but cut out the explanation of the important stuff. In the amount of time that you watch the stupid leaf fall they could have added lines explaining the Marauder's Map which is more important and interesting then that leaf.

Michael Gambon did a good job as Dumbledore. It's not his fault that Richard Harris died and that he can't be Richard Harris. But did they have to make him look like a hippie? I kept expecting him to whip out a joint and light up.

It's also not their fault that they couldn't get the original set but they at least could have tried to get or create a site that that looks similar to the old site. Watching it now it's like, when and why did they move Hogwarts? The worst part is they have shots of the Dementors hovering around the old castle (which are boring and pointless) which is obviously supposed to be Hogwarts but it looks absolutly NOTHING like the castle you see in the movie. Does the director think that the audience is dumb enough to not recognize the differences between the two? Not to mention they look like they could trip and break their necks walking to Hagrid's hut.

Speaking of Dementors and boring and pointless shots, the repeating of the shots of the Dementors floating by and freezing the area around them. Thier is no need to do this as we got the point with the train scene. Again, the audience is not stupid. I don't mind nice, piontless CGI shots just as long as they aren't done in liu of explaining plot points which the director has done.

Students constantly wearing Muggle clothing. Not only is this inconsistant with the first two movies but when did they find the time to change between classes?

Since the movie fails to explain why Harry's Patronus is a stag, Sirius' line about how the memory of his father is with him or something lacks the emotional pull it does in the books and falls flat.
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Post by Aya Reiko » Sat May 14, 2005 2:24 am

Anything from Uwe Boll.

Trust me, sit 1 minute through any of his "work" and you'll understand why.
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Post by Jusenkyo no Pikachu » Fri May 20, 2005 7:54 am

Doctor Who and the Daleks

I don't know what any average moviegoer would expect from something with a title like that, but chances are it's going to be a bit bizarre. Unless, of course, they grew up with a British TV show where a guy named Doctor Who did in fact encounter things called Daleks. He did it a couple of weeks ago too, only there was one Dalek and it had emotions.

For those who still have no clue what I'm on about, Doctor Who is a science fiction series that ran from 1963 to 1989, with an American revival attempt in 1996 and a far more successful British revival this year with Christopher Eccleston as the Doctor and Billie Piper as his assistant. The series focused on the Doctor (who is never called "Doctor Who"), a Time Lord from the planet Gallifrey. He would travel to a different time every few weeks (almost every story was split up into three or more half-hour episodes) with a ship called the TARDIS (which looks like an old British Police Box). Almost every story has him travelling with a companion (and sometimes even more than one). So far, nine actors have officially played the Doctor (with a tenth to appear next year--the final Doctor will be number 13).

The Daleks appeared in the second story, and, like the TARDIS, have since gone on to become a cultural institution. They are large power hungry pepper shakers with guns. But if you think that's a ludicrous description, wait until you see them in action. Those buggers were menacing. And that was no small feat when you consider that this series had one sixth of the budget of Star Trek.

In the 1960s, the series was so popular that two movies were made, starring Peter Cushing as the Doctor. This was the first.

The story is taken directly from the Daleks' debut piece, albeit with a few changes to make it more accessible across the Atlantic. This version has the human Doctor Who taking his granddaughters Barbara (Jennie Linden) and Susan (Roberta Tovey) and Barbara's boyfriend Ian (Roy Castle) to the planet Skaro. There, they encounter the beautiful, peaceful Thals and the aforementioned Daleks, who want nothing more than to rule the planet. How did it end up like this? Many years ago, there was a large nuclear war between the two that all but destroyed the planet. Both sides suffered from mutations--the Thals became humanoid and the Daleks found themselves unable to live without special breathing apparatus which confined them to a metal city and left them unable to climb stairs. Now, of course, the Thals have appeared near the City and the Daleks want to destroy them. The Doctor must make the Thals fight and stop the Daleks from exploding a second bomb.

It has potential to be a great story--and a great story it was. However, this version has reduced it all to flashing lights and a scant story with no character development and a horrible comic performance from Castle. Not even the Daleks survive--their monosyllabic tongue has been extremely exaggerated, making every single line of theirs grate on the ears. Not only that, but they have some very long pieces of nothing but dialogue--a lot of which is taken up by the line "Then we can shed these protective suits, move beyond the limits of the city and destroy the Thals." Which is a bad move considering the fact that the Daleks were the main draw here. However, Dalekmania being what it was, the fans lapped this one up and we ended up with a sequel.
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Post by Jusenkyo no Pikachu » Fri May 20, 2005 10:40 am

Whoops...I forgot to add that there is one redeeming factor in the above movie. I'll get to it in this review here.

Daleks' Invasion: Earth 2150 AD

...and less than a year later, this sequel to Dr Who and the Daleks came out. Unfortunately, by then Dalekmania had waned a little (although the Daleks are the most enduring Dr Who villain today) and this movie ended up significantly less popular, forcing the cancellation of plans for a third Dalek film. But, in an unusual move for sequels, this is the better of the two.

The film opens in a street in London, where policeman named Tom Campbell (Bernard Cribbins) finds himself unable to stop a jewellery store robbery. He turns to a police box for help...only to discover that it's TARDIS and the Doctor was lust about to leave for Earth in the year 2150, with his niece Louise (Jill Curzon) and Susan. Once there, they discover that London has somehow been preserved in a stasis field for about 150 years, but has since been laid to waste and abandoned. The perpetrators are, of course, the Daleks, who have created a race of cybernetic humans known as Robomen and are intending to hollow out the Earth so that they may pilot the planet to Skaro.

And so the stage is set for an even more exciting adventure. Not only does the Doctor now have reason to defeat the Daleks (as opposed to the original, where his curiosity led them into the battle), but the comedy is less irritating (at its worst, it's Bernard Cribbins badly imitating a Roboman) and the Dalek colours are more subdued. In fact, the most annoying part of the film is where the action sequences are set to a jazz score that doesn't fit the scene at all. Fortunately, the music does improve as the show goes on.

And the single best bit of the two movies is Roberta Tovey's Susan. Although the movie Susan is younger than the TV Susan, she still has boundless energy and manages to avoid the child star pitfall of being an Olsen Twin. Sadly, she vanished completely after making these movies, so it's interesting to see what the third movie (which would have been based on the serial The Chase).

This movie was based on The Dalek Invasion of Earth, a 1964 serial starring William Hartnell as the Doctor, Carole Ann Ford as Susan, William Russell as Ian and Jacqueline Hill as Barbara.
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Post by Hobbes » Fri Jul 29, 2005 1:43 am

For me it would have to be Glitter. I sat through 30 minutes of that movie. After I guessed the entire movie and my predictions came true I had to walk out of my living room.We got jipped on that PPV.
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Post by Tiff » Fri Jul 29, 2005 9:41 am

Hobbes wrote:For me it would have to be Glitter. I sat through 30 minutes of that movie. After I guessed the entire movie and my predictions came true I had to walk out of my living room.We got jipped on that PPV.
I actually called in on a radio contest one time, and I didn't even know what I was winning. I justknew the answer to their question.

They gave me premiere tickets to see "Glitter"

...I never even went to pick the tickets up. XD;

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Post by MysticalChicken » Fri Jul 29, 2005 6:19 pm

The ABSOLUTE worst movie I've ever seen is "Galaxy Quest." It's about as funny as a hangnail, and Tim Allen couldn't act his way out of a torn paper bag anyway.

I also hate "The Thin Red Line." Nothing happens! I hate war movies anyway.

My brother says "House of 1000 Corpses" is the worst movie he's ever seen. Every time it gets mentioned he goes into a tirade about how much he hated it (he signed my guestbook two years ago with "Rob Zombie ... should be fucking shot for making the dumbest most pointless movie of all time!") and how he still wants his nine bucks back. So I try to mention it often because it's hilarious when he does mouth off about it. Second on his list: "Jack Frost" (the "feel-good" movie with Michael Keaton, not the horror flick). He said it "gives kids false hopes."
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Post by Jusenkyo no Pikachu » Sat Oct 01, 2005 8:40 am

Barbie Fairytopia

Thank goodness I only rented this movie....yes, I actually walked down to the video store, walked in, and rented this movie specifically. Since I don't have a daughter, it would take a special level of insanity for me to buy it. And I already have enough of a disability as it is.

For those who are actually better off than I am, this is the fifth in a series of movies produced by Mattel and animated by Mainframe Entertainment. These movies, of course, star Barbie (voiced by Kelly Sheridan). Usually, she'll not only play the main female role, but she'll also narrate. Of the other four, I've only seen Barbie in the Nutcracker, where she mangles the story in telling it to Kelly--somehow it becomes a story where Clara turns out to be the "Sugar Plum Princess". The other three are Barbie as Rapunzel, Barbie of Swan Lake, and Barbie as the Princess and the Pauper. Incidentally, the last time I saw Nutcracker, I had just listened to a BBC Radio Play which cast the Nutcracker as Drosselmeyer's son, who had been cursed by an evil mouse queen.

In this one, she doesn't narrate. Which is only because there's no story for her to mangle. This one is in fact an original story, and for once it doesn't feature a character named Barbie.

In this one, Barbie is Elina, a wingless fairy who lives in the Magic Meadow in Fairytopia--she actually refers to her home as "Peony" (and no prizes for guessing why her name is Elina). Elina is, of course, taunted by the other pixies. However, she proves to be the only one unaffected when trouble strikes. See, the evil fairy Laverna has set about kidnapping the guardians of Fairytopia, and has released a sickness that affects all flying creatures (save for the cute thingamabob known as Bibble). Since Elina can't fly, she's unaffected by the sickness, and must find Azura, Guardian of Fairytown. Azura is kidnapped, but not before she gives her necklace (which channels her power, and is needed to grant all-power status to Laverna) to Elina. Now, it is up to Elina to stop Laverna. Aided by her pet thing Bibble, the strange butterfly Hue and Dahlia the Dryad, she goes off to save Fairytopia.

You can all wake up now. And those who are ready to run off screaming, could you please hold back a while? Anyway, both groups are right: this movie is torturous. I only hired it out because I'm babysitting my 2-year-old cousin tomorrow and may need something to keep her docile. Indeed, this will--there is none of the invention that makes Pixar's movies so great. Indeed, this is exceptionally by-the-numbers and would be boring as were it not for Bibble and two happy trolls. The background is like that for an ambitious PSX game--it's about on par with that for Nutcracker. It's pretty colourful anyway. Plus, there is some imagination in the Wildered Woods and Laverna lives in a cactus. Very few films have the baddie in a cactus. Anyway, if you absolutely must see it, see it for the background. Don't see it for anything else, as you'll be looking for something that isn't there.

Oh, and if you collected Barbies in your youth, you might be surprised to learn that her back problems have been eased and she's dumped Ken.
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Post by Tiff » Sat Oct 01, 2005 11:38 am

...why are you renting all of these barbie movies? o.O

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Post by Jusenkyo no Pikachu » Sat Oct 01, 2005 12:14 pm

Tiff wrote:...why are you renting all of these barbie movies? o.O
Only seen the two so far, and I actually saw the first when it was played on TV (my sister wanted to see how scared she would be). Anyway, this was a spur-of-the-moment decision, sparked by the idea of my sister and I babysitting, but also sparked by my own curiosity as to whether or not it was better than Nutcracker because it didn't mangle a classic story. As you can see, the cat is well and truly dead.
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Post by TonyOctober 2.0 » Sat Oct 01, 2005 12:18 pm

The worst movies I ever seen was:

Worst Movie:
Problem Child
Reason: This movie has no plot and every cast member is playing unlikeable characters. Thank goodness I saw this on ABC Family once. If your a brainless Russian see it because it's written by one! I warn you don't watch this movie, it's bad for your brian! Watch KIndergarden Cop and/or Beethoven instead of this 2 hours of your worst nightmare!

Runner Up:
The Rabbit Poof Fence
Reason: The Rabbit Poof Fence is super bland and wicked boring. I can't belive my mother rented this movie and I watched the whole thing. Whatever you do don't watch that movie!

And that's was my complaints on my worst movie ever!

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Post by Jusenkyo no Pikachu » Sun Oct 02, 2005 12:01 am

TonyOctober2.0: Your comments don't make a lick of sense. Why specifically Russians and what do they have to do with an American film?

Also: I personally enjoyed Rabbit Proof Fence. It was certainly better than most of the crap out there that passes for drama. And it doesn't let a good story get in the way of what actually happened. I can think of one person who's still that horrible today.
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Post by TonyOctober 2.0 » Sun Oct 02, 2005 8:46 am

Jusenkyo no Pikachu wrote:TonyOctober2.0: Your comments don't make a lick of sense. Why specifically Russians and what do they have to do with an American film?

Also: I personally enjoyed Rabbit Proof Fence. It was certainly better than most of the crap out there that passes for drama. And it doesn't let a good story get in the way of what actually happened. I can think of one person who's still that horrible today.


Let me tell you something Jusenkyo no Pikachu the ones who wrote Problem Child are Scott Alexander and Larry Karaszewski. Larry Karazewski is Russian and if any last name ends with ski, sky, or witz it's Russian. That's explains your question!

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Post by Kameko » Sun Oct 02, 2005 12:37 pm

If it ends in ski it's Polish, not Russian. And Larry Karaszewski is American, who seems to have Polish ancestry.
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Post by Tiff » Sun Oct 02, 2005 12:42 pm

TonyOctober: That's incredibly stereotypical. To say that any name that ends in ski, sky, or witz is Russian is just plain ignorant. Those names can be Polish, Russian, Czechoslavakian, and many, many more. Please try to research things such as that before you say them.

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Post by Sylphiel » Sun Oct 02, 2005 2:24 pm

TonyOctober 2.0 wrote:Let me tell you something Jusenkyo no Pikachu the ones who wrote Problem Child are Scott Alexander and Larry Karaszewski. Larry Karazewski is Russian and if any last name ends with ski, sky, or witz it's Russian. That's explains your question!
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Post by TonyOctober 2.0 » Sun Oct 02, 2005 5:06 pm

Let's go back on the subject!

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Post by Tiff » Sun Oct 02, 2005 8:40 pm

TonyOctober 2.0 wrote:Let's go back on the subject!
ADMIN MODE:

Don't try to play admin the moment people begin disagreeing with your stereotypical post. Next time, have a bit more respect.

Now, everybody back on topic.

Joey: The question is, Rachel, does he like you? ''Cuz if he doesn''t, then it''s all just a moo point.
Rachel: Huh...a...moo point?
Joey: Yeah. It''''s like a cow''s opinion. It doesn''t matter....It''s moo.
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Post by Jusenkyo no Pikachu » Tue Oct 04, 2005 9:32 am

Bratz, the Video: Starrin' and Stylin'

I rented this too, thank God. I would have bought it, but even I have my limits when it comes to bimbodom. At least Barbie gets the more interesting stories (even if they do mangle the classics).

Despite the fact that Barbie gets the better films though, the Bratz look set to overthrow Barbie--in fact, the blonde bimbo is, according to the survey taken in the documentary Barbie's Mid-Life Crisis all but reincarnated as part of the MyScene line. Speaking of that documentary, it's actually quite an interesting one that you should check out.

The movie itself focuses on the original four Bratz: Cloe, Yasmin, Sasha and Jade (alongside two boys, Cameron and Dylan). They're still in high school, but apparently they all live together sans parents. Well, that is when they're not living in their own houses. Which they are shown doing a total of twice. Anyway, the prom's coming up, and here are the crises du jour: Not only have they not picked out their dresses, but they have to do a project. Jade's losing her fashion sense, Cloe's crashed her car, Sasha's stressed out about leading the prom committee and to top it all off, there's an anonymous person writing gossip about the school. Three guesses as to who that person is. Oh, and Cloe's got it bad for Cameron, who happens to be an expert mechanic. For all those who remember the Baby-Sitters Club books well enough, here's an analogy: Cameron's like Logan, while Dylan's like Alan Grey without the practical joking. And yes, I am a guy. Oh, and there is a film freak, Koby, who is positively portrayed.

The animation is exceptionally sub-par, the characters literally and figuratively have big heads (too bad their brains aren't quite as big) and the lips have way to much collagen to be believed.

The DVD comes with karaoke, horoscopes (apparently, I'm like Jade--I just don't have her fashion sense), a deleted scene, some unfunny "bloopers", a TV spot, a trivia quiz (according to which, I have a real *ahem* passion for fashion), and a fashion display.

Sadly, there's a TV series to follow. It features the voice of Soleil Moon Frye. Personally, I think Ami Foster is much better for the part than Soleil (even if Margaux wasn't an airhead). It also features Tia Mowry (from Sister, Sister to this. Sounding intelligent must be hard if you're a twin) and Lacey Chabert (who I KNOW has done better). What other horrors await parents of tweenage girls? Punky becoming a cynic? Or Mary-Kate and Ashley taking over the world? I for one am not sure I want to find out.
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Post by sailor_serenity33 » Tue Oct 18, 2005 12:15 am

the worst movie i have ever seen was Some thing's Gotta Give. I'm the kind of person that if iv started watching a movie then i have to watch all of it and when the movie was over i was so pissed that i had just wasted about 2 hours of my life :x

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