Worst Movies Ever?

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Post by NekoSun518 » Fri Aug 13, 2004 10:53 am

The worst movie I have ever seen would have to be Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. If you have never seen this movie, dont bother watching it. Its impossibly hard to follow and about half way through you start feeling like your taking drugs. I love Johnny Depp, and the fact that hes the main character couldn't even save this for me.
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Post by Sailor Moon » Fri Aug 13, 2004 4:17 pm

Thanks! I deleted at least two of the repetitions I found of that line.

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Post by Jusenkyo no Pikachu » Thu Aug 19, 2004 5:53 am

Having just seen an unnecessary adaptation of a book (The New Adventures of Pippi Longstocking...come on, surely the redheaded rebel has some appeal?), I'm going to review an even MORE useless book adaptation: the DVD compilation of Tales From The Neverending Story episodes 1 to 4.

The episodes are spliced together seamlessly, and as a whole create a fairly coherent plot structure. However, as a fan of the original Neverending Story book, I was most appalled at the idea.

In the book, a kid named Bastian Balthazar Bux steals a book (the story of the title) and takes it into the attic to read. As the adventure progresses, he finds himself more and more drawn in and subsequently actually enters the world of the book in order to restore it. Just before he starts to do so, however, he is given a magic amulet by the Childlike Empress that grants his wishes at the expense of his memories.

The original movie stayed true to the book, except for inserting a horrid ending that stops the film halfway through.

The second movie re-told a large amount of the subsequent story, but the connection was rather loose (and the atmosphere was off).

The third movie put Fantasian characters in our world, and utterly drained the story of any magic. It also made a pessimist of Falkor. And, curiously, didn't feature Atreyu.

Now we have this movie, which is the original story put through the NES3 shredder.

In this version, Bastian is your average kid who only reads books because his now-dead mother illustrated them and would rather play his video games. So one day, he's walking along distractedly when he literally bumps into Coreander, who offers him a trade: one broken video game for one absolutely wonderful book. Bastian, of course, picks The Neverending Story, and soon discovers...a world of quick'n'easy special effects and fast-food fantasy. In this world, the ill Childlike Empress sends a warrior child called Atreyu to stop her evil sister Xayide from unleasing The Nothing. Meanwhile, Bastian has to contend with Mr Blank, a teacher who is actually one of Xayide's minions.

You know the story doesn't look good when the opening shows a numberplate saying MOON CHILD. And then the first words of the book, instead of being "All the creatures", are "The Childlike Empress." And then there are some completely unnecessary characters, such as Bastian's friends Marley and Lucas and "Flygirl", a perpetually-pigtailed girl who Atreyu gets it on with after only having known for a few minutes.

As for the visuals, they look like a diet version of the Mirror World from the Magic in the Mirror movies. On top of that, the Ivory Tower looks like a tower (not a city, as the book described), and Xayide's lair looks like your run of the mill lair, not the Seeing Hand of the books. Meanwhile, Falkor has wings and Atreyu looks white, not green. Actually, to be fair on this one, the only version that actually had a green Atreyu is the animated series (which was ok for a pile of tripe designed to teach morals to kids. At least it wasn't Jumanji).

And, unfortunately, this version is only the beginning. I don't even want to think about what horrors would await us from here on.
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Post by Jusenkyo no Pikachu » Tue Feb 22, 2005 10:51 pm

Return of the Killer Tomatoes

You know, when a movie has a character that says "They are gardeners and carpenters. They are not tomato-men," you have something kinda special on your hands. And perhaps here I should note that I have never seen Attack of the Killer Tomatoes, so I can't compare the two.

The plot does in fact involve tomato-men. Tomato selling is now illegal, but the little red things still exist, and a man named Professor Gangreen (John Astin) has discovered a way to turn them into humans (and vice-versa). And it's up to Chad (Anthony Starke), Matt (George Clooney in an early role), tomato-girl Tara (Karen Mistal) and a fuzzy sentient tomato to stop him.

But what's plot in a film like this? Instead, what really matters is how many riffs on the industry--they riff on just about everything but the soundtrack. The film is framed by a weird game show which Gangreen wins at the climax. The movie's opening starts off with the opening title for an unrelated movie called "Big Breasted Ladies Go To The Beach And Take Their Tops Off". Gangreen's assistant Igor is a handsome man with perfect posture and speech (and the need to suck up to his superiors. He also wants to be a reporter). The opening song tells us the movie is starting. And, in the single best joke the film has, the budget runs out halfway through, and the movie has to resort to product placement (which sees a Corn Flakes box get put up right in front of the camera and a Pepsi sign on the back of Gangreens coat).

All in all, the film is one I'd recommend...just for that aforementioned joke. Oh, and the fuzzy tomato named FT.
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Post by Jusenkyo no Pikachu » Thu Apr 14, 2005 8:43 am

Buffy: The Unaired Pilot

This should be on the DVDs as an extra. It's cheesy, sure, and has Riff Regan as Wrong Bad Very Bad Wrong Willow (she's rather chubby and has curly hair), but still, it's interesting to see the true origin of one of the most respected TV shows of the past decade. That is, save for a movie whose only saving grace was an extended death sequence.

This version gives a better hint at the sheer brilliance to come. Sure, it doesn't attain the standard reached by Welcome to the Hellmouth/The Harvest (and it's only half an hour long), but most of the ideas present in the opening episode are here (there are only three missing--and two of those would provide the series with most of the first season material).

The story opens the same as in the aired version--some guy takes Darla and breaks into school (although this version has them going around in obvious daylight). And Darla (who, incidentally, is never named here) turns on him.

The next day, his body is discovered in a locker. That day also happens to be Brunette Buffy's (aka au naturel SMG) first day at Berryman High School. The Principal (here played by Stephen Tobolowsky) talks to her--we see little to nothing about Buffy burning down the gym, but we learn that Flutie has enormous trouble with unusual names. Then we get on to the major character introductions. For those worried about differences in cast, fear not: Nicholas is still Xander, Charisma is still Cordy and Anthony is still Giles. As for Kristine and Mark, neither is to be found--the episode instead centres around a group of high school vampires that try to kill Willow. Of course, they don't succeed and [spoiler]Darla dies by Willow's hand[/spoiler]. Also, at one point, our heroine gets to flip over a bannister and Xander gets insulted by Cordelia.

Unlike, say, the Red Dwarf USA pilot (yikes!), this one was leaked out in rough form. As such, it has no opening credits, no closing credits, and no incidental music save for a couple of rock tunes. You never know the value of a soundtrack until you realise what its absence doesn't do.

Also, given the low budget, we lack the refinements of the series--Vampire dusting is instead accomplished by a series of dissolves.

Now onto the bit that really makes or breaks: the dialogue. Buffy uses the word "jamming" (in context: "Thanks, I'm totally jamming on your dress."--said to Willow) and we get the line "No hanging from the rafters screaming 'MEAT IS MURDER!' on Sloppy Joe day. THat was really popular last month." As well as that, we get the dialogue in my current sig. Good to know that the show's sense of humour was in place.

That's pretty much it for the episode. Oh no wait...they had the vamp makeup pretty much down. But that's it.
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Post by mizangelamy » Thu Apr 14, 2005 10:25 am

Gigli is by far the worst movie ever for me!
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Post by Vagabond » Sun Apr 17, 2005 3:31 pm

One of the worst movies I have ever seen was "The Power of One." It was directed by the guy who directed "The Karate Kid." With a title like that I was expecting it to be kinda corny, but I figured it could be done well. Boy was I wrong.

The whole concept of it was a "Rocky" in during South African apartheid era. You would think it would be about a black man fighting for his dignity in an apartheid government. Instead, the weird thing is that the protagonist is white, and he tries to fight for black rights through boxing. If he becomes champion, he can become a symbol of the "Rain Bringer," and serve as a symbol of unity among the different black tribes. Confused? I sure was.

It gets worse than that because the movie shoves every conceivable cliche into the mix: childhood bullying, Nazis, a romance with an apartheid government official's daughter, the death of the black master who trained the protagonist, etc. You see the protagonist as a child, become orphaned and move into a boarding school. He gets bullied there by Nazi sympathesizers and before being rescued by his uncle. Then they are shipped into a prison camp for being English (the apartheid government was fighting against the English). There he learns how to box and for some strange reason conducts a live performance. He then goes to college and sympathizes with some activists. There is one boxing match where the "rain-bringer" nonsense is brought out, and then there is no more boxing again. It goes on to the main character trying to find a place to teach the black Africans how to read. The government finds out and they get sent away. Later, the government attacks one of the slums when the main character is visiting. And the guy leading the attack just happens to be the Nazi childhood boardinghouse bully. The showdown occurs, with some of the crappiest fighting I have ever scene. You know the fight between Jimmy and Timmy in "Cripple Fight" for South Park? That fight was 10 times more exciting than the movie's final showdown.

It doesn't help that the movie also has some of the most banal dialogue I have ever heard. The closing lines are: "Only when the great masses unite together can they gain the strength to become unstoppable, the power of one."-_-;;; My friends and I had to turn away from the screen to keep from gagging.
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Post by insaneevilclown » Sat May 07, 2005 2:27 pm

worst movies:
star wars....
and....
lord of the ring.....

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Post by Tiff » Sat May 07, 2005 8:59 pm

insaneevilclown wrote:worst movies:
star wars....
and....
lord of the ring.....
Care to elaborate? Don't just post a title and leave it at that. WHY do you think they are the worst movies?

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Post by yoshmaster5 » Sat May 07, 2005 10:05 pm

insaneevilclown wrote:worst movies:
star wars....
and....
lord of the ring.....
yes, and WHICH star wars ones are you talking about? the prequels, I agree. they are complete crap. Only saving grace of Episode II, was Yoda the bouncy ball. that scene was plain hystarical.
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Post by Chibisteven » Sun May 08, 2005 1:08 am

insaneevilclown wrote:worst movies:
star wars....
and....
lord of the ring.....
Details please. Where is the "why you think the movies are bad part". Providing I've never seen any of the mention movies. I want to know WHY.

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Post by mizangelamy » Sun May 08, 2005 1:14 pm

insaneevilclown wrote:worst movies:
star wars....
and....
lord of the ring.....
I do agree I don't like those movies at all!
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Post by RoastedTwinkies » Sun May 08, 2005 8:38 pm

mizangelamy wrote:
insaneevilclown wrote:worst movies:
star wars....
and....
lord of the ring.....
I do agree I don't like those movies at all!
But why don't you like those movies? You're not adding to the discussion.

I don't care for the new Star Wars movies because they just seem to be more intersted in making money than the quality of the show. I just think the original Star Wars trilogy is great on it's own because it's a classic. Didn't they rerelese the trilogy a few years ago with updates and new cg effects? Again, it's just another attempt to make money I think.

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Post by peachvampiress » Sun May 08, 2005 9:11 pm

RoastedTwinkies
Didn't they rerelese the trilogy a few years ago with updates and new cg effects? Again, it's just another attempt to make money I think.
More like a few months ago (I don't even think it's been a year). Actually I believe that a few years ago before DVDs (I think 1995 or something) he rereleased the trilogy on VHS with some additions. I have this and it's the version I'm familair with. The DVDs were just re-re-released with even more additions, some of which are too horribile for me to say.

I'd have to agree about the newer trilogy. It's like Lucas is trying to show off just how much shitty CGI he can compact into one single scene instead off, you know, making a good story that isn't inconsistant with the original.

However, episode three does look really good
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Post by RoastedTwinkies » Mon May 09, 2005 10:47 pm

peachvampiress wrote:More like a few months ago (I don't even think it's been a year). Actually I believe that a few years ago before DVDs (I think 1995 or something) he rereleased the trilogy on VHS with some additions. I have this and it's the version I'm familair with. The DVDs were just re-re-released with even more additions, some of which are too horribile for me to say.
I was referring to the second release with new cg effects on VHS. I think it was released when I was in grade 7, around the same time Episode One was released. My timeline is probably wrong, so don't quote me on that. But I'm positive that the original Star Wars Trilogy was rereleased on VHS a few years back, before the days of DVD.

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Post by Jusenkyo no Pikachu » Tue May 10, 2005 4:22 am

peachvampiress wrote:RoastedTwinkies
Didn't they rerelese the trilogy a few years ago with updates and new cg effects? Again, it's just another attempt to make money I think.
More like a few months ago (I don't even think it's been a year). Actually I believe that a few years ago before DVDs (I think 1995 or something) he rereleased the trilogy on VHS with some additions. I have this and it's the version I'm familair with. The DVDs were just re-re-released with even more additions, some of which are too horribile for me to say.
There was also the unspeakable horror of the Special Editions in 1997.
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Post by insaneevilclown » Wed May 11, 2005 6:42 pm

man y'all don't have to gang up on me like that....
anyways those movies are long and boring...
so that's pretty much my damn reasons why i hate star wars and lord of the rings, and oh yea and harry potter.....

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Post by Chibisteven » Wed May 11, 2005 6:45 pm

insaneevilclown wrote:man y'all don't have to gang up on me like that....
anyways those movies are long and boring...
so that's pretty much my damn reasons why i hate star wars and lord of the rings, and oh yea and harry potter.....
Thank YOU for telling us why.

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Post by Starscream » Wed May 11, 2005 6:56 pm

I can understand his frustration, however; within the span of a day, 4 people had ganged up on him and asked practically the exact same question. When you post, please make sure you read the posts before yours so you don't repeat content, inquisitive or otherwise. That's really not a good way to greet new users of the forums.
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Post by Umino » Wed May 11, 2005 8:15 pm

Here's another one to add to the list: Devilman.

I thought this was gonna be good. I saw it had nicer, and higher budget looking 3D effects than PGSM, and Cutie Honey. Everything else SUCKED. The acting was terrible (mainly the dude who played Akira), some changes from the original story were pretty stupid. For example, in the manga there's more of a Ryo X Akira relationship. While in the movie, Akira and Miki are boyfriend/girlfriend. In the manga, Miki had a bit of a crush on Akira, and Akira did care for Miki, but it didn't really go anywhere else. The ending was a bit dissappointing too, it follows the manga's ending a bit, but the last scene is different, and it ruins the climax.

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