Friendship

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Friendship

Post by Jeff » Tue Mar 02, 2004 8:22 pm

Friendship: Good or bad? Why? An eternal power-struggle? A sacred bond? Discuss.

My opinion: Friendship is f#%$ed up! Maybe not completely. But lately I feel like only two people can successfully be friends. Well duh, but what I mean is that groups of friends (like the one found on FRIENDS) are constantly being torn apart by couples. Not necessarily romantically involved couples, just couples. Trios are probably the most dysfunctional, as one person is always going to feel like the odd one out, or someone is going to become the "main friend", etcetera. There are probably an infinite amount of horrible situations that friendships can succumb too.

Of course, friendships are good too. You can talk about that if you want, Jeff's just in a pissy mood.

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Post by Celexa » Tue Mar 02, 2004 8:29 pm

Friendship is sort of a hard thing for me. Sometimes I feel like my friends aren't truely my friends. If we were friends, that I'd be treated better.
Like when my great aunt died, I told one of the FEW people I consider a true friend, and she was there for me, and when my ex-boyfriend (not ex at the time) was told, my friend told him to comfort me or at least say "I'm Sorry." All we got out of him was "Uhh...hi?"
My friend had offered to carry my clarinet case for me, so she was all ready to hit him on the head when he ran away. It felt so good when she stood up for me.

I told another friend, and my second cousin twice removed had just died soon before my great aunt. I wasn't feeling tops, and she said "What IS it with you and dying?" That didn't feel too good.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is that I don't know too many people I can consider true friends. There are only about four people in the real world: My LA teacher, the friend who had offered to carry my clarinet case, my mom, and my 5th grade PI (Project Idea, it's advanced Language Arts) teacher.

The only other people I can really talk to is my online friends. I have plenty of friends in the world of flesh and blood, but there are only a few that offer me a shoulder to really cry on when I need it.

Me: This is coming from the kid who doesn't know what Viagra is!
Ko: It's cold medicine, right?
Our Group: NO!!!
Me: Can I just say?
Dylan: Sure, it's no weirder than what normally comes out of your mouth.
Me: (says what)
Ko: .....What's that?
Me: ......*starts crying*
Carley: STEVE! STEVE GET OVER HERE AND TELL KO WHAT VIAGRA DOES!
Steve: See, it's like this: The bridge goes up and the soldiers rush out....

Tiff: Aww, you killed someone for me. That's so sweet in a f***ed up sort of way!

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Post by Starscream » Tue Mar 02, 2004 8:39 pm

Friendship definitely takes a strange turn as you get older; I had a REALLY close pack of friends during my 4 years of undergrad school, people I could count on no matter what. Unfortunately, graduation brought about physical separation, which inevitably led to some emotional separation. Not a total rift, mind you, but AIMing is no substitute for actual physical contact.

For me, having a nice little gaggle of friends somewhat outweighs having one or two close friends. There's no more favoritism that existed back in grade and high schools, and get togethers are always a fun time (usually it involves dinner at someone's apartment or at a restaurant). It defintiely is something different than what existed back then; you'll find that as you age and continue to mature as a person that the definition of friendship similarly evolves, often for the better, but definitely something that more accommodates your lifestyle. It may sound depressing, but it actually does work out, and in the end, you get to find out who your true friends are in the end.
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Post by Tiff » Tue Mar 02, 2004 11:40 pm

From the time I was about 10, I always had a small clump of friends rather than a large group....and I generally had just one or two people who really, really understood me. It's still that way with me, and it takes a while for me to really open up to someone and trust them, due to being stabbed in the back so many times.

But I cherish friendships. I'm very sensitive about them. I take those I care about into my heart, and they almost become a part of me...if I lose one of them, I become devastated. I had a friend...he was like one of the people who knew the most about me. We knew eachother online for years...and he became a new person, completely cold and distant, and then one day he told me he no longer cared about me. Simple as that. I nearly died. I sobbed, I was depressed...and I finally got over it, but there are times when I still ache for him. I still read his weblog. Taht's how much I let myself car about him. I STILL care about him. I guess one could label that as being obsessive, but I don't believe that's the case...I just become very devoted to people.

That's how much my friends mean to me...People like Dan, Bob, Parakisu, Anthy, and Tempy...they're people that keep me going sometimes. I love you guys.'

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Post by Cardcaptor Takato » Wed Mar 03, 2004 10:24 am

At this particular moment in my life, I don't have any friends off-line. I have a bunch of "buddies", but no one I can call a close friend. I find it much easier to talk to people online rather than offline about my interests, my problems, etc. I guess it's because well, if anyone makes fun of me online, I can just block them or if a whole msg board upsets me, I can find a new place to go to. It's much harder off-line because I don't know very many people and if any of the people who knew me off-line knew half of the things about me, they would leave me in a heart-beat. I know they're not true friends, hence why they're just "buddies", but I still couldn't take it if they left me.

There was one person in my off-line life who I considered to be my best friend. It was kind of funny because I'd been friends with her for years but we can't remember how we met. We went to school together, so it was definetly at school, but we didn't ever have any classes together in the years we were friends. We had a lot in common. We liked similar things, hated similar things, had similar views of life and she was a generaly fun, random person to hang out with.

Finally, in my senior year of high school, I opened up to her and told her some things about me I couldn't tell anyone else because they wouldn't understand. I didn't tell my friend everything about me because some things I just couldn't tell, but with what I did tell her, she accepted me for who I was and even promised not to tell anyone else before I even told her not to. She was a very kind person and the best friend I ever had.

I always did get jealous when she hung out with this girl who was a friend of hers because I felt she prefered to hang out with her than me and her friend hated me, so I got a little jealous. We still continued to be friends all the way through school and we're still friends now; we just don't have any contact with each other. I have her phone number so I can call her anytime, but I always end up with the answering machine when I call. ><
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Post by jupiter23 » Wed Mar 03, 2004 1:27 pm

I have a few people that I call my friends, but I have never had very many, mostly because sometimes I would meet someone, try to be friends with them, and as soon as they really began to find out some of the deeper things about me, they would either loose interest or start "adding things to the story," if you know what I mean. My boyfriend and one or two other people are the only ones who really know the real me, and even then it took me awhile to trust them completely.

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Post by ParaKiss_Groupie » Wed Mar 03, 2004 4:20 pm

See, I'm one of the rare exceptions. I have a very close knit group of friends. There's Me, Maisha, Lydia, Anthony, Courtney, Patrick, Ted, Tim, Brandi, Rayven, Nina.... a whole bunch of us. And yes, we do have the little duos and trios. But, we're all very close, and we all get together all the time. Except for Patrick, Nina and Courtney, cause they moved. I don't have any favourite friends, but I do have friends that I feel closer to. But it's all in different ways. I've always been very close with Patrick, Courtney, and Nina, and after they moved I got a lot closer to Lydia and Maisha (I do absolutely everything with these two, except DDR cause Maisha doesn't like it.) And everyday, I get closer to Tim and Anthony. I'm really close to Ted and Brandi online, though. And then there's my online-only friends (friends I've never met offline), who I'm super close with. I'm completely open with them (them being Jeff, Anthy, and Tiff). So, I enjoy my large circle of friends, because I always have someone.
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Post by Akarui Kibuno » Wed Mar 03, 2004 4:49 pm

Well, I don't know if I have true true friends. Maybe, one. Yeah. One girl I met four years ago and I still see her sometimes, even though we're not in school together anymore.

Other than that, I've experienced the trio thing. Here's been my pattern for the last two years (I'll give the names)

Sandrine meets Céline. They become friends.
They meet Pascal in their class in become friends.

Céline has a problem with Pascal. They're not friends anymore.
Sandrine is still friends with him and Céline hates that.

Céline meets Ana. They become friends.
They are friends with Sandrine in class.

Céline has a problem with Sandrine. They're not friends anymore.
Ana is still friends with Sandrine and Céline hate that.

And you can add people and people and that's with no end I think. That Céline, ah, I would have done so much for her, even though I didn't know her that much at first. I think I have up many things, and I ended up like the traitor unrespectful one. Gaah, at least, the others know the truth.

As for online friends ? I have kept one I met when I first started using AOL in 1999 I think. I have a friend in Mexico, whom I like so much, I have a friend near New York, I have... whoah, many of them. I would love to be friends with Tiffu, everyone, but the problem with me is that, because I'm in France, the time difference makes that I cannot be logged on like the others, so I miss occasions to get closer. *bows to Tiffu, hails to the other admins, the mods, everyone ^^*
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Post by yoshmaster5 » Wed Mar 03, 2004 10:54 pm

I have one really good friend.

I met him in 1st grade, seeing as I'm REALLY shy, my dad and nick's father decided to have us meet. We got along perfectly. Insepreable at times... he moved to D.C. in 4th grade, and seeing that was my worst schoolyear, including my depression, only made me feel much worse.

Visited him in D.C. in 5th grade, over spring break with my sister.

haven't seen him since, sometimes i'll call to talk to him, and to say hi to his sister. Can't by e-mail because he dosen't have an adress, and if he did, he wouldn't check it much. :?

I have a few other good friends, all in Kansas. when I become really good friends with someone, I will remain their friend for a LONG time, unless they do something that really hurts me.

I am a very good friend, if I get to know someone real well.
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Post by Jonathan » Thu Mar 04, 2004 4:12 pm

I have a few friends, but there's one I really trust. We would share everything. Food , money, but not girls, lol. Even tho he got into drugs, we're still cool. He never really tried to get me into that stuff because he knows how I feel about it. (My mom would kill me too)

We've been friends since 6th grade, and sometimes I wonder what's gonna happen to us after high school. But I guess I shouldn't worry about that yet seeing as how it's a year and a half away.
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Post by Lucied » Fri Mar 05, 2004 4:26 pm

I have a few "acquaintances", but I only have two really good friends, we do a whole bunch of stuff together, go everywhere together, etc. My brother is always saying how I have no friends and need to get more, but he's the one going out with a different person each night :P I think (just my opinion) that it's better to have a few friends that are reaaaally close then a whole bunch of people that you just kind of know.
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Post by DreamEmpress » Mon Apr 12, 2004 2:10 am

My group of friends has always been fairly reasonably sized. At first I hung out with one or two people and was very attached to them. the people I would get attached to would sometimes change from grade to grade. By the time I was in high school my circle was growing. I can usually make at least one friend in class. (but not always) Alot of them turned out to be acquaintances. I'm actually the type of person who in middle and high school wasn't popular, but could float from group to group and wasn't shunned by them. (a lot of people liked my art and were willing to be around me because they liked seeing what I would do next. that and I'm a fairly nice person to talk to)

Over the years I've had a small group who has stayed with me. I still keep in contact with them and we try to get together and hang out when we can. I can talk to them when I have a problem or am excited about something.

I'm still fairly a loner. In school right now I don't really have any friends I hang around or anything. It's sometimes really lonely, but other times I don't mind too much. I'm always afraid that if I reach out and make friendships that I'll end up one day having to say goodbye and lose contact. Also, I'm shy so i'm never sure if I'm gonna say something idiotic.

It's hard to find people who I can really open up to and confide in and just talk to about stuff in general. I have a few online friends that I talk to. That's kind of what I liked about reading the posts on this site before I joined. Everyone seemed so friendly and awesome that when I joined I thought maybe I'd find a few "kindred spirits". I haven't been too far wrong. No real friendships formed yet, but I still feel like I can speak freely without sounding dumb.

eventually after they've gained my full trust and respect, I then give them my loyality too. No matter what happens....I still try to be there for them.

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Post by Lady of the Light » Mon Apr 12, 2004 11:50 am

Friendship? Friendship sucks for me right now. I am part of one of those groups, and have seven main people. But not everything is alright with these seven. I have three friends who want to commit suicide, one hates the other, one's gay and is trying to struggle with that, and the other thinks she might be lesbian and hates herself for it.
The problems in my group of friends are serious. I'll make up a fake name for one right on the spot, let's call the one who thinks she's a lesbian Alice. Now, Alice seems like she's been going through hell for the last year. She liked my gay friend, but since they couldn't work out because, well, he's gay, she got really depressed over that. And she's been depressed ever since. I've talked to her lots, and it turns out that she had to be promised by one of our other friends not to kill herself until she's 16, because she came that close to doing so. She's told me that she's going to hang herself on her eighteenth birthday. And the fact that she thinks that she's lesbian makes it even worse, because she hates herself for it. I've tried to tell her that it's alright, but she just won't listen to me.
Which brings me to the fact that my advice seems to make everything worse. My gay friend and I used to be really good friends, until one day we got into the discussion about love. See, he likes this younger kid, and says that he loves him, but he can't even bring himself up to talk to the guy. So we were comparing opinions, and I said that I believe love will come in time, but not right now, we're only teenagers. Suddenly, he got all mad at me, and started going, "Christine, stop acting so high and mighty. You know you're the same as us." That got me really pissed off, I was just trying to give my opinion on a topic that he started. Ever since then, we haven't been the same. At sleepovers, he stays (which I argue against, it's just not right for a guy to sleep over with girls), and late at night always asks us our secrets. We always end up crying, which is pathetic I know, but it somehow makes me hate him more. This guy is breaking apart my group of friends, and we've been together for three years! Two of them are going with him, and the other four including me absoultely hate his guts. But we can't ditch him, because we don't want to loose the other two friends...So we're stuck with the jerk.
My opinion? Friendship sucks at the moment. Greatly.
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Post by Umino » Mon Apr 12, 2004 12:25 pm

I have few friends. And sadly they're all a bunch of pricks. They insult me, get made at me for no reason, and never stick up for me. It seems like its just the kids here. They're all spoiled, insulting, little brats.

My best friend, Jon lives in Texas. Its always great when he's around. We like the same things, and we never fight. My 'most close' friend here can be a real jackass. He'll make fun of me saying 'Sailor Moon's gay' or 'Big O is a so fuuking stoopoid!'

And he calls me stupid, idiot, and retard. Always saying he's the smartest being in the fucking universe. And what really bugs me, is that if he don'st like something, its 'stupid' or in his words 'gay'.

The list just goes on, and on for my crappy friends...

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Post by Tiff » Mon Apr 12, 2004 1:56 pm

Hrm..I know i've posted here before, but things have changed since then.

Friendships for me right now are very...cautious. Two of my friends have endangered themselves, and so I'm feeling very worried and tip-toey around them. Both of them went through a period where we didn't talk, and so we're not as close as we used to be...so I don't understand a lot about them anymore. But I remain their friends, becuase I do care about them, and don't want to see them hurt anymore. There's too much history to give it up now.

I'm gaining friends outside of the internet, which it awesome. I've got two girl friends from school, and we work out together and eat every night we have class. It's feelin great. I haven't had friends like that in a while.

*shrug* I don't always like change, even positive change, becuase I'm a very routine person. But things are looking up.

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Post by jupiter23 » Mon Apr 12, 2004 4:55 pm

uhh..Umino-san..how exactly can you call them friends if they treat you like that? If I knew anyone who treated me like that (and I have-see above post) I'd try to avoid any and all contact with that person and/or people as much as possible. Noone deserves to be treated like that.

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Post by peachvampiress » Tue May 11, 2004 10:16 pm

I'll save you my life's story by just saying I've never had real friends. I've had people who acted like friends at first, then gradually became bastards who treated me like shite.

But right now I have a bit of a problem. For the past two years I've been "sort of" friends with these two girls. I say sort of because I only talk to them in class and at lunch. We've never talked outside of school.

Now, I've recently been becoming friends with this group of very nice people. I've started sitting with some of them in class and at lunch and I talk to them after school (in fact we're going to the school dance this Friday).

So, the girl I was sort of friends with for two years, Robin, has been getting a little bitchy about me hanging out with the other group. She thinks that they're snobs, when most of them are the nicest people I've ever met. And some of her comments are really starting to piss me off.

Ex.1) Two weeks ago, one of the girls brought her $200 hair straightner to school. Robin was saying how it burns your hair. Well the girl finally convinced me to let her starighten my hair. MY GOD, my hair has NEVER been straight OR SOFT T_T. I was so happy, but Robin has to bitch about her "wrecking my hair".

Ex.2) One of the guys in this group as an agent and is trying to be an actor (and...um...I kind of like him :oops: ). Now, I'm sure that some of you are aware that Tim Burton is directing a remake of Charlie and the Chocolate factory with Johnny Depp as Willie Wonka. This guy was supposed to audition for Charlie (I'm pretty sure it was Charlie, but not completely). His agent messed up the times and he missed the audition. Today I was telling Robin how he's a good actor and she starts going on about he's "effeminate" (sp?) (which he isn't, he's polite, but not effeminate). She also brought up how he missed the audition and I said "It's probably for the best that he missed it. There are about 150 girls in this school and if he got the part they all would have been bugging him for the same thing 'Get Johnny Depp's audograph for them." I also said that I personally thought he was to old for the part and she proceeds to insult his apperance.

Right now I'm just tired of her bitching at me for being friends with others and her insulting them when she doesn't even now them (espicially someone I like T_T). So, yes I'd have to agree that friendship is smegged up.

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Post by Artemis » Tue May 11, 2004 11:04 pm

Well, my best friend Christine lives over in Pennsylvania (I lived there until we moved to Washington when I was seven) so I only get to see her once every year or two. It sucks. :( And my other best friend, Laura, used to live on the island with me, but then she moved all the way over to Woodenville, so I only get to see her about once a month.
My other friends basically consist of-the girls in my writing group, my youth group, a few random people at school, a few other friends from PA, and you guys. ^_^
The problems are- 1), School sucks, 2), Almost none of my friends are in my classes and so I only get to see them before school and at lunch, 3), My school is very cliche-ridden and it's hard to become friends with anyone new.
My actual opinion on friendship. I believe that friendship is a wonderful and awesome thing, but it's very tender and delicate, and unless you are very, VERY close and don't make any big mistakes, if you make one small mistake in most friendships, it's pretty much over. Not to mention that a lot of people drift apart, or somebody breaks it off. In fourth grade, I had this really good friend, but she became friends with someone else and never hung around with me anymore. :cry: And most of my friends aren't that close to me (it's hard to get close to me), and I don't make good conversations, so I only have about 3 or 4 really good friendships.
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