Quotes From TV

Sailor X · Post by **Sailor X** » Mon Dec 15, 2003 6:44 pm

I think it's pretty clear and dosen't require an explanation.

From Roseanne:

The father of Roseanne and Jackie has just died, and poor Jackie is faced with the task of calling her near-deaf aunt to tell her the news.
Jackie: Hello? Yes. Um... I have really bad news. Dad is no longer with us. ... Dad has passed away. ... (growing louder now) He's gone. ... He's dead. ... No, dead. ... DAD IS DEAD. D-E-A-D, DEAD, DEAD......... Dad's just fine, he sends his love!

Darlene comes home to find her brother D.J. skipping school and helps him when the school calls the house.
Darlene: Yes, this is Mrs. Conner. Aah, he's very sick. A serious stomach bug. We've all got it. As a matter of fact, I feel like throwing up right now. ...Oh, no, it's a cordless. You can come too.

When a man that Jackie has been going out with- not dating, going out with- calls her "honey," and she finds that it feels right, she runs out, saying that she is cheating on her husband, and before running from the bar she yells this:
Jackie (raving): ALL OF YOU- ALL OF YOU, GO HOME TO YOUR HUSBANDS!

From Absolutely Fabulous:

In court facing numerous charges including aggravated assault (for trying to force a woman out of her car when she honked at her as she was driving), shoplifting (stealing a crate of champagne by putting it under the shopping cart and spreading her jacket so the cashier wouldn't see), and drunk driving, Edina has made the stupid mistake of getting to say a few words for herself.
Edina: (after a long period of ranting) Why, oh why do we pay taxes!? I mean, just to have bloody parking restrictions and... buggery ugly traffic wardens and... bollicky pedestrian bloody crosssings! And those... BASTARD railings outside shops where you can't even get in them! I mean I know they're there to stop stupid people running into the street and killing themselves (waves her arms and runs in place), BUT WE'RE NOT ALL STUPID! WE DON'T ALL NEED NURSEMAIDING! I mean, why not just have a stupidity tax? Just tax the stupid people!
Patsy: LET THEM DIE!
Edina: YES!
Judge: ANY MORE OF THIS RIDICULOUS RANT AND I'LL PUT YOU BOTH AWAY!

I'm spent now.

Post by **Tiff** » Mon Dec 15, 2003 8:34 pm

Friends:
Joey gets a female roommate, and Chandler warns him about becoming too feminine:
Chandler: Oh my god, you're becoming a woman!
Joey: I am not! that's a horrible thing to say!
Chandler: Oh really? Now i've offended you? What did I say?
Joey:...it wasn't what you said, it was how you said it...OH MY GOD, I'M A WOMAN!!

(same ep:)
Chandler: IS THIS YOUR GIRLY PILLOW?! IS THIS YOUR BOX THAT'S TOO SMALL TO PUT ANYTHING IN?!

Monica's upset becuase Rachel kisses Ross on Monica's engagement night, therefore "stealing her thunder":
Monica: Maybe you're upset becuase your formerly fat friend is getting married before you!
Rachel: oh you know..that is not fair..you know, now I want to steal your stupid thunder! COME ON, ROSS, LET'S GO HAVE SEX!
Ross: tsk..but...eh...*shrugs and follows her*

Ross: I must warn you...we need to have some ground rules-
Rachel: We're not REALLY having sex, we're just going to make her think we're having sex!
Ross:..*glare* Oh i see. So EVERYONE wins!

Monica: I just hope you know, that the day you announce your engagement, i'm going to announce that i'm pregnant!!!
Chandler: how will that EVER happen??

Ross is trying to get everybody ready for his presentation, and they're all making him late:
Joey: All right, buddy! you steal my underwear, i wear everything you own! *Poses*
Chandler: That is SO not the oppposite of stealing somebody's underwear!!
Joey: Hey! Look at me! I'm chandler! Could I BE wearing anymore clothes?! I think i'll do some lunges!!!! *lunges forward and backward*

Will and Grace:
Will and Grace each tell Jack and Karen they're planning to have a baby:

Grace: You told Jack we were having a baby?!
Will: He doesn't count, he never listens!!
Grace: Well, she doesn't count, she's always buzzed!
Karen: HEY, HEY HEY!!.....Where are we? *looks around confused*
Jack: *adjusts napkin and looks up with blank expression* I'm sorry, what?

Drukqs · Post by **Drukqs** » Tue Dec 16, 2003 12:04 am

My signature says it all ^.~...

peachvampiress · Post by **peachvampiress** » Tue Dec 16, 2003 5:17 pm

Lucied · Post by **Lucied** » Thu Dec 18, 2003 10:54 pm

Both of my favorites are from Family Guy:

Peter is talking to a guy, and it goes like:

Peter: You gonna eat that stapler?
Guy: Sir, you can't eat a stapler!
Peter:...Y-you wanna split it?

And my other favorite line kinda requires you to have seen the episode, but it's when that reporter lady goes "And it looks like police have caught a suspect, thanks to an anonymous source" Then it goes to that giant insect guy going

"Good....Good"

XD I love that

Jeff · Post by **Jeff** » Fri Dec 19, 2003 11:31 am

The Simpsons

-Homer: "Kids aren't like dogs! You have to feed them *every day*!"

-Marge: "Here Homie, I brought you some tuna. They call it brain food. I guess that's because there's so much dolphin in it, and you know how smart they are."

South Park

- Mr. Garrison: "Kyle I need you to pay attention. This is my class and if you want to stay you have to learn to concentrate."
Cartman: "Maybe we should send him to concentration camp!"