Should marriage have an experiation date?

Senshi_of_Vision · Post by **Senshi_of_Vision** » Mon Oct 01, 2007 8:49 pm

Hmm okay then I didnt think there was such a law but it would have been a good way to shut them up. But now after what your saying we didnt get married in a catholic church either basically cause I was not willing to convert in the first place and my ex made no pressure for me to then changed his own faith. So it still sort of makes my relatives and his relatives arguments against our divorce moot.

Jeff · Post by **Jeff** » Mon Oct 01, 2007 10:47 pm

If your ex-husband was a Catholic and your marriage was never blessed by the Church (you would have gone to a priest and promised to raise the kids in the Catholic faith, etc.), then by Catholic standards you were not sacramentally married. So, if you decided to marry again and for some reason converted to Catholicism (or if you married another Catholic and wanted the marriage blessed), you could easily obtain an annulment for your first marriage. It doesn't matter that your husband left the Church - it's like the Hotel California: you can check out, but you can never leave, at least as far as they're concerned. If your Catholic relatives are giving you guff for divorcing, you can point out that your marriage was never valid in the first place (if you're comfortable with that; a lot of people find the suggestion that they were never married to be offensive).

Senshi_of_Vision · Post by **Senshi_of_Vision** » Mon Oct 01, 2007 10:56 pm

If your ex-husband was a Catholic and your marriage was never blessed by the Church (you would have gone to a priest and promised to raise the kids in the Catholic faith, etc.), then by Catholic standards you were not sacramentally married. So, if you decided to marry again and for some reason converted to Catholicism (or if you married another Catholic and wanted the marriage blessed), you could easily obtain an annulment for your first marriage. It doesn't matter that your husband left the Church - it's like the Hotel California: you can check out, but you can never leave, at least as far as they're concerned. If your Catholic relatives are giving you guff for divorcing, you can point out that your marriage was never valid in the first place (if you're comfortable with that; a lot of people find the suggestion that they were never married to be offensive).

Hehe love the Eagle's reference and that kinda makes me glad I stood my ground on converting to. Meh i'll just ignore them divorce wasnt something I had wanted but it was the best for all concerned and Im just glad I didnt let myself be bullied into staying in an unstable enviorment because their beliefs called for it. And I wish I could be that blah about my marriage but I couldnt it was something I cherished till things went bad and while I have some bitter feelings I dont want to pretend like it never happened even for arguments sake.

Though I would love to see the look on some of their faces if I pulled that one out LOL.

Passions55 · Post by **Passions55** » Tue Oct 02, 2007 3:23 pm

Jeff wrote:Nope, Passions55 and Senshi_of_Vision, there is no such law in the Catholic Church. An annulment can only occur if canon lawyers determine that a valid marriage hasn't actually taken place (i.e., one of the spouses was married before). If you're an abused spouse, the Church would support separation but not divorce.

My dad's grandmother was beaten by my alcoholic great grandfather, but because of her beliefs she never divorced him. She left him but never sought divorce and only remarried after he died.

On the other side of the family, my grandparents (both raised Catholic) eloped in New Hampshire under a Justice of the Peace, and never had the marriage blessed by the Catholic Church. When two Catholics are not married in the Church, their marriage is considered invalid. So, as my great grandfather often pointed out (humorously I hope?), my mother is technically a "bastard."

Jeff this is what I wrote:

However if you are Catholic I think in case like the ones I've mentioned you can get your marriage annulled, and it would be legal in the church.

I wasn't saying that it was a fact, I was only stating that I "think" that things had changed to take in consideration situations like that.

Post by **Tiff** » Tue Oct 02, 2007 5:13 pm

Passions55 wrote:
I wasn't saying that it was a fact, I was only stating that I "think" that things had changed to take in consideration situations like that.

And he was correcting you so you knew the fact. He didn't say "PASSIONS55 SAID IT FOR SURE". Calm down. You said "I think", which leads someone to believe that that is something you thought to be true, which he corrected. No need to bring semantics into it.

Passions55 · Post by **Passions55** » Tue Oct 02, 2007 8:17 pm

I wasn't being irate. I was just letting him know that I wasn't trying to speak for the Catholic church.

Post by **Tiff** » Wed Oct 03, 2007 9:10 am

Passions55 wrote:I wasn't being irate. I was just letting him know that I wasn't trying to speak for the Catholic church.

Which I'm sure he knows. He's not an idiot. It seems that sometimes you get a little sensitive about things like that, and it's time to cool it.

Drop it, please.

Passions55 · Post by **Passions55** » Wed Oct 03, 2007 7:27 pm

I have never ment to come across as sencitive, it's just that you and others have taken what I have said on this board the wrong way and I don't want what I have posted to be misconstrued. I don't think any one wants that. I'll drop it now.

On the subject of marriage I recently came across an article that had a couple who are celebrating 80 years of marriage. If I find the article I'll post the link to it.

Wow, imagine being married for eightes years

Does any one think they could stay married to their spous for that long? In the article I read it said that the couple has had very little fights through out their life because they where to busy working on a farm to bicker

Senshi_of_Vision · Post by **Senshi_of_Vision** » Wed Oct 03, 2007 8:37 pm

LOL if my ex and I had run a farm I probably have ran him down with a tracter. *sigh* its funny the things you dont see or try to avoid in a marriage when your young and in the happy phaze. Heck even after you move out of that "were just married phase and into the "ugh nit pick at each other for every little thing phase" because you just dont want to think "gah did I marry the wrong person?" It took alot for me to leave and I realized now I got married definately for the wrong reasons, and while I love my ex to an extent the signs that it was all wrong were there and I ignored them. If I do go down that road again im going to make sure that I dont look threw things with rose colored glasses and truly get to know the man in my life. Maybe then i'll be one of them elderly couples they interview like that I think their adorable ^_^

Post by **Tiff** » Wed Oct 03, 2007 9:27 pm

Passions55 wrote:I have never ment to come across as sencitive, it's just that you and others have taken what I have said on this board the wrong way and I don't want what I have posted to be misconstrued. I don't think any one wants that. I'll drop it now.

ADMIN MODE:

Okay, when a mod/admin says "drop it", that's what it means. It doesn't mean to please continue the argument publicly. If you had more to say/argue, then take it to PM.

So again, drop it. Don't say anything else on the matter in this thread. Thank you.

DreamEmpress · Post by **DreamEmpress** » Sun Oct 07, 2007 10:14 pm

This sure was a passionate thread. After reading this, I'd like to throw in my two cents. Considering how strongly I feel on this issue....

Like a lot of people here, I think expiration dates on marriage isn't smart. If anything, it's disrespectful. When I think of expiration dates, I think of milk, medicine, my state ID, etc.. Not marriage. When I think of marriage, I think of an sacred bond that is meant to last forever. Not something I should have to renew every few years. To be honest, it makes the whole process feel mechanical. No one wants to enter into a life of that. Marriage is supposed to be about love and commitment.

All the time I hear about short hollywood marriages are. Or when I watched Divorce Court, I saw these quick marriages or divorces for the dumbest reasons. We've got a generation of people who feel marriage is something that you can start and end with the snap of the fingers. It's sad and heartbreaking that we don't take it seriously. My parents have been together for 28 years. I know couples who have been together for 50. Marriage isn't easy. That's been drummed into my head since I was a little girl. No relationship is easy, but it's always worth it if you work on it together. Those vows pretty much say it all. They do too! I mean, that's not something you enter into lightly, if you really listen to words. To stop being two units and come together as one.

If we add an expiration we're pretty much saying, go have a happy life together until 10 years from now on thursday at 5pm. How did one person put it? Like test driving to see if we like it. If I know it's going to end, it's hard to fully give my all to the relationship. I'd probably be nervous to have kids in that enviroment. But that's just me...

Don't get me wrong. There are good reasons to get a divorce. Many were listed earlier. My mom had a bad marriage before she married my dad. I'm very grateful that she had a way to get out. I'm just against making marriage into something so trival that it's no longer valued at all.

Post by **Tiff** » Mon Oct 08, 2007 12:02 am

LOVED your post, DreamEmpress, and I completely agree.

AnimatedEvey12 · Post by **AnimatedEvey12** » Thu Sep 04, 2008 10:44 pm

An expiration date on marriage? What has this world come to? That's a big no from me. I agree with what everyone said about people divorcing for the stupidest reasons. Unless if it was something serious for example if your spouse was cheating on you then try getting counseling and if all else fails, divorce. Although my one of my uncles cheated on his wife for a while and he stopped after he found out that the lady he was with was cheating on him. My uncle's wife is extremely catholic, she doesn't believe in divorce and they're both still together. No marriage is perfect, my parents have been married for 26-27 (can't remember at the moment) years and they still fight and they work things things out.

Aishiteru · Post by **Aishiteru** » Sun Sep 07, 2008 11:58 am

ummm....no.

I would like to point out though that in Ireland they used to have what is called a Handfast. If a couple wanted only a handfast marriage, they went through the ceremony and all the ...uhem...motions ... of a real marriage, but could choose to make the situation permanent or end it on good terms at the end of one year. While I don't agree with it, I can see the good side of such an agreement. (I know this isn't exactly what we're talking about, but I thought it was interesting)