Spanking

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Post by Princess Latona » Wed Aug 29, 2007 12:18 am

As I am considering having a family of my own in a few years' time, this is definitely a topic that concerns me as well.

Growing up, I wasn't spanked. I was HIT. (Well, hit, grabbed, poked, et al) I'm of the persuasion that if it leaves bruises or marks, it's unnecessary. I think what makes it even harder is when you're walking around with bruises from one parent, while the other parent tells you to "stop crying", that it "was just discipline".

Now, I worry when I have kids that I won't be able to control my temper around them as they grow up. Luckily, my sweetheart is wonderful and will help me with everything. I just worry that I won't be able to handle things one day, that I'll snap and cause some significant hurt to one of my kids.

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Post by Passions55 » Wed Aug 29, 2007 12:46 am

hey Tiff! Haven't seen you around for a few days. How've you been? What age group do you teach? Sound like elementary school age based on your comments. But since you are a teacher in a state that allowed spanking in schools (or at least up until two years ago) do you feel that it was a smart move or do you think that the spankings where a good way to keep kids in line and shouldn't have been removed as a discipline method?

Any way, like I've said earlier I'm not against spanking and I plane to use that from of discipline when I one day have kids. However I do believe that spanking should only be used on kids in the younger group before they even enter school and should stop by the time a kid is six years old. After that I think a good way to use corporal punishment is a slap on the hand which gets the point across just as effectively as a swat on the bottom would. And not at all when the kid is nearing puberty age. I just feel very strongly that by school age and you are integrated with your peers more that I child should be discipline with a bit more dignity.

However I strongly believe that spanking should be only as a last resort and only for really bad offensives, like some here have mentioned. Not for minor misbehavior. My aunt spanked my little cousin just because she got juice out of the refrigerator with out asking and because my cousin threw the glass into the sink. And even though I know that was bratty of my cousin to do I don't think it warranted my aunt spanking my cousin in front of her play mates.

There is some thing about that area of the anatomy that warrants feelings of embarrassment. Maybe its because its a private area of the body but I remember the few times when I got a swat or two on my butt when I was a kid I remember feeling more embarrassed and self conscience than pain. Spanking I think is a small form of "loss of control" and I think that's why I felt embarrassed. Eighther that or I was just a sensitive child. But I always wonder that if I could feel that maybe other children can too.

That's why I think the way a spanking is given is very important. I think it should be given in in a controlled manner with out anger, or chasing the poor kid around the room or cornering them. That right there just seems like an act of bullying to have a bigger stronger person trying to chase down and subdue a much smaller person who realistically has no chance of over powering the parent when they are caught and given a spanking. So I don't think that is a good method to spank a child in. Especially if you are made to have to strip your pants and undies off to have it done on the bare bottom. I don't know there is something about having your pants removed (eighther by your self or by the parent removing them for you) that seems like the ultimate loss of control, and could be humiliating to some kids. In my child psychology class my professor (who is against spanking as a disaplign method) showed us a tape of a debate of people who where pro spankings and people who where against it. And I have to say that both sides seemed pretty radical in their views at times (some suggesting that since the bottom is close to the genitals that it could damage a kids sexuality :shock: ). There was one guy who was pro spanking that sort of irked me in his views. When one woman who was against spanking stated that spanking a child is humiliating way to discipline a child the guy agreed but stated that humiliation and loss of control is apart of the discipline and that children before spanking should be forced to remove their own clothes so they know that they are being made to do it so they know that the parent is in charge. :shock:

And I...have to disagree on this, I'm pro spanking but I'm not for that kind of spanking. I think humiliation should not be apart of discipline. I don't see anything positive coming out of the use of humiliation to show who is in charge. I don't think that's what spanking should be about it should be about correction of bad behavior not "who's in charge". Although I do agree a child should know who is boss I don't think a child/parent relationship should be based on dominance. Humiliation should never be the goal of a spanking and I think that if it is that's its a form of mental abuse. :evil:
Also I believe Spankings are something to be done in private. Not in front of strangers, or even family members. This one time my parents found out I got a F in one class, by Dad marched down to the school and spanked me in front of everyone. I was in the 5th grade.
Queen of Hearts, I have to say that reading what you wrote got me so angry my hands shook! I think what your father did was seriously out of line and he should have gotten thrown out of your school for that. spanking you in front of classmates is very disrespectful and he should have gotten in trouble for that. Number one getting an F doesn't warrant a spanking and number two when you are in the fifth grade your to damn old for spanking. :evil: And if his mind set is you still young enough to get spankings he couldn't have waited till you got home to do it? He had to go to your school to spank you in front of your classmates? How did your class mates react to this, did they make fun of you for it? IS there more to the story than this because it just seems really brutish and out of line for a parent to do such a thing as this.

PS. to Queen of Hearts if I'm over stepping my self by asking this question than you don' have answer if you don't ant to. I just feel really offended for you.
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Post by Queen Of Hearts » Wed Aug 29, 2007 2:45 pm

Queen of Hearts, I have to say that reading what you wrote got me so angry my hands shook! I think what your father did was seriously out of line and he should have gotten thrown out of your school for that. spanking you in front of classmates is very disrespectful and he should have gotten in trouble for that. Number one getting an F doesn't warrant a spanking and number two when you are in the fifth grade your to damn old for spanking. And if his mind set is you still young enough to get spankings he couldn't have waited till you got home to do it? He had to go to your school to spank you in front of your classmates? How did your class mates react to this, did they make fun of you for it? IS there more to the story than this because it just seems really brutish and out of line for a parent to do such a thing as this.

PS. to Queen of Hearts if I'm over stepping my self by asking this question than you don' have answer if you don't ant to. I just feel really offended for you.

At that time, I didn't even know I HAD an F. The teacher hadn't bothered to notify me. And the kids didn't dare make fun of me, or I would have hit them.
My Dad NEVER hits me, its my mom that does.
But I still get Spanked today, so in my house, age doesn't matter. My mom was raised on the belt, and if she did anything bad, you would have gotten hit my the belt.

Opps, I typoed. I wasn't in 5th grade, I was in 6th grade.
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Post by Neon Heart » Wed Aug 29, 2007 3:29 pm

Queen Of Hearts wrote:
Queen of Hearts, I have to say that reading what you wrote got me so angry my hands shook! I think what your father did was seriously out of line and he should have gotten thrown out of your school for that. spanking you in front of classmates is very disrespectful and he should have gotten in trouble for that. Number one getting an F doesn't warrant a spanking and number two when you are in the fifth grade your to damn old for spanking. And if his mind set is you still young enough to get spankings he couldn't have waited till you got home to do it? He had to go to your school to spank you in front of your classmates? How did your class mates react to this, did they make fun of you for it? IS there more to the story than this because it just seems really brutish and out of line for a parent to do such a thing as this.

PS. to Queen of Hearts if I'm over stepping my self by asking this question than you don' have answer if you don't ant to. I just feel really offended for you.

At that time, I didn't even know I HAD an F. The teacher hadn't bothered to notify me. And the kids didn't dare make fun of me, or I would have hit them.
My Dad NEVER hits me, its my mom that does.
But I still get Spanked today, so in my house, age doesn't matter. My mom was raised on the belt, and if she did anything bad, you would have gotten hit my the belt.

Opps, I typoed. I wasn't in 5th grade, I was in 6th grade.

What happened to you definetly changes my view on spanking, age wise... That's really wrong for your parents to be doing that, it sounds like it even borderlines on abuse.
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Post by Tiff » Thu Aug 30, 2007 12:03 pm

Passions55 wrote:hey Tiff! Haven't seen you around for a few days. How've you been? What age group do you teach? Sound like elementary school age based on your comments. But since you are a teacher in a state that allowed spanking in schools (or at least up until two years ago) do you feel that it was a smart move or do you think that the spankings where a good way to keep kids in line and shouldn't have been removed as a discipline method?
I teach Pre-Kindergarten, and I haven't been around becuase 1) just started school for the yaer, and 2) Joe and I are in our new house, with no internet for a while.

I can see both sides. I can see how it was removed because a lot of people view spanking as something only a parent should do...however, I can also see how helpful it is in school, especially with 3-5 year olds, becuase i myself have witnessed it. Of course there are many many methods of discipline that a teacher needs to implement, but there ARE those cases where spanking is simply the only thing that'll make little Johnny stop what he's doing and straighten up.
You see, I wouldn't have a problem with spanking if everybody did it like that, Tiff. Problem is, I see most parents doing it wrong. It may just be the area where I live, but just about every time I see a parent "spank" a child in public, it looks like they're trying harder to leave bruises than they are trying to teach a valuable lesson.
And that's the sad line, i'm afraid, that's making this such a controversial issue. Too many parents aren't educated and are too ignorant to understand that spanking doesn't mean you have to beat the child until they can barely stand. It's awful to see that, whether in public or to konw it's going on in the house.

The thing with spanking is it DOES have to tie in with a disciplinary lesson. With spanking comes a talk, where you discuss with the child exactly what they did, what the consequence was, etc. It's also extremely important to "make up" with your child after the spanking/discussion...give them a hug, let them know you love them, etc. You can't just haul off and smack a child 10 times and then drag them to their room.

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Post by Passions55 » Wed Sep 05, 2007 1:09 am

Now, I worry when I have kids that I won't be able to control my temper around them as they grow up. Luckily, my sweetheart is wonderful and will help me with everything. I just worry that I won't be able to handle things one day, that I'll snap and cause some significant hurt to one of my kids.
That's another thing that's a bit controversial. If a person has a problem controlling their temper do you think its a good idea for people like this to spank their kids or should they use other forms of discipline?
I'm a bit torn on this subject. On one hand, I think spanking is ineffective and emotionally damaging.

My dad spanked me from a very young age, and as a result, I started rebelling against my parents when I was around 5 or 6. When he came at me with a shoe to hit me, I'd scream bloody murder loud enough for neighboors to hear, kick him in the balls, throw things, barricade myself in the nearest room, hide under furniture for hours, ect, anything to not get hit. I sound like a total brat, but really I was scared. Children don't like feeling powerless or cornered, just like adults. To a 4 year old girl, a big man who hits hard and screams and chases her around to try and hit her, even if it's just on the butt, is absolutly terrifying. I can't really describe the kinds of feelings I remember when I crawled under a couch because I was terrifyed of being spanked. This is going to sound ridiculous, but just remembering it now is still really upseting, so it's not something I usually talk about. And it wasn't like he abused me or beat me. He would just scream and spank and scream some more. To an adult, it may not seem like much, but to a small child, it can be emotionally damaging.

That's part of the reason why my relationship with my dad is bad now, to put it simply. It's been bad ever since I started defending myself against him when I was little. And when I got a little older, around 8ish, I started purposly disobeying him to make him lose his temper and try to spank me, just so I could fight back and show him that he couldn't control me. He stopped spanking me when I was about 10. So not only was spanking me emotionally damaging, but it was also ineffective.
The *blue* Girl I'm sorry you had to put up with that when you are a kid. It sounds like this sort of discipline didn't work on you and only made you feel frightened of your father and damaged your relationship with him :( . What you described is not how a spanking should be given, and it seems to me that you where a rather sensitive child and that this sort of discipline did not work on you. Which brings to another question. Alot of parents I know seem to think that in behavior like this that they have to keep at what they are doing in order to break their kids when they react as violently to as The *blue* girl did. If a child is sensitive and exhibits even worse behavior and defiance after a spanking do you think you should stop spanking and use a different approach? Or do you think you should keep at at till they respond positively?
I can see both sides. I can see how it was removed because a lot of people view spanking as something only a parent should do...however, I can also see how helpful it is in school, especially with 3-5 year olds, becuase i myself have witnessed it. Of course there are many many methods of discipline that a teacher needs to implement, but there ARE those cases where spanking is simply the only thing that'll make little Johnny stop what he's doing and straighten up.
before it was out lawed up to what age group did spankings go up till? Was it just the preschool and kindergarten or id it go through all of elementary school into fifth grade? Did it stop at elementary school or did it go into the junior high years as well?
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Post by Senshi_of_Vision » Wed Sep 05, 2007 9:15 am

back when I was in Elementary school spanking went up till the 5th grade for kids who really stepped out of line. Im not saying it was right but considering alot of these kids came from the projects and their parents was using the school for free lunch and to babysit I didnt see anything wrong with the schools use of spanking as punishment. When I got older and worked for the school's summer youth program the things that came out of some of the kids mouths or some of their violent tendencies was scary.

And im once again torn on the whole cant control your temper issue because of my own emotional disorder people would tend to think that I would flip out on my son. It has not happened yet which I thank goodness for, but people who love their kids should not have to be in constant fear of what they might do. And if they are, then they should consider counseling before settling down and starting a family. It can help, it may not be for everyone but I think if you seriously want to be a parent one day that you will take any steps neccessary to give your family a good structure even if it means going for outside help.
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Post by Passions55 » Fri Sep 07, 2007 1:48 am

the temper thing is a difficult issue, because just about any one even those with out a temper problem can lose it and go over board. My mom isn't a violent woman but I remember sevearal times that she got so angry at me that she would throw her slipers at me, or anything that was around her, like books, magazines and anything else should could lay her hands on (but this was because she was chasing me to give me a spanking and I was running away from her). However my mom is a very good mother and only had those moments loss of control because I was really aggravating her (and because she couldn't catch me)

But I have a question. If you have a child that bullies other chindren in his school and hits them do you think you should punish/disaplign them with spanking? OIr do you think in a case where I child transgression is violence against another child, that the use of corporal punishment would only send a bad message?

Also for those of you on here that have kids and a significant other to helps rear them. Do think that both parents should be in a agreement on what forms of disaplign to use on your child or do you think that each parent should use what ever form of disaplgn on them that they personaly see fit. Like for example if one spouse is for spanking and the other is not. Does that mean that the parent who wants to spank can't spank because the other doesn't agree with it.?
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Post by Tiff » Sat Sep 08, 2007 11:29 am

Guys, the main problem with all of these scenarios is that IT DEPENDS ON THE CHILD. You cannot take a form of disicpline and apply it to eachand every child in the world. It simply doesn't work that way. Spanking could in theory work on a bully. Then, it may not work on another. That's part of parenting..you find what works for YOUR CHILD, and you go with it.

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Post by Passions55 » Fri Jul 04, 2008 11:13 pm

I don't know how others may feel about this but I just read an article about how spankings given to children are potencially harmful because it can cause sexually related problems later on in life:

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/20 ... 220451.htm

and another arcticle about how spanking and good disipline can be more affective than ritilan in children with ADHD:

http://www.usnews.com/blogs/on-parentin ... talin.html
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Post by Jamesares » Mon Jul 07, 2008 11:48 am

As it relates to my personnel opinion I believe that spanking when used properly can be a very effective tool in disciplining a child. As it relates to me I received both spankings, and if I talked back a single opened hand slap to the face. Both were done sparingly and only when absolutely necessary. For the most part I came out pretty, and in the end I suffered more tramatization from my peer that anything my parents did.

One of my big concerns when it comes to physical discipline comes from a conversations I overhear between two of my coworker who would occasionally talk about how they discipline there children, and what disturbed me the most was that they would be smiling, laughing, and general sounded like they enjoyed disciplining there children.
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Post by Aishiteru » Mon Jul 07, 2008 10:08 pm

I don't think spanking is morally wrong, but I don't think I'll ever hit my children simply because I was never spanked and I think there are other ways that I personally find more agreeable. Also, the way spanking is done in my extended family just doesn't work. My brother and I are the only children who haven't been punished that way, and my brother is better behaved than any of my cousins, and I am the only teenager I know that has never been grounded (though my brother has). The way I was punished if I got to out of hand (my brother as well) was that if I began to throw a tantrum my mother would hold me down between her legs (as she was sitting on the couch, I know it sounds uncomfortable, but it wasn't tight , I just couldn't stand up or crawl away). I eventually calmed down, apologized, and learned to behave properly. After I turned 8ish there were time outs, and I've never needed more than a small scolding.
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Post by AnimatedEvey12 » Tue Jul 08, 2008 12:22 am

Aishiteru wrote:I don't think spanking is morally wrong, but I don't think I'll ever hit my children simply because I was never spanked and I think there are other ways that I personally find more agreeable. Also, the way spanking is done in my extended family just doesn't work. My brother and I are the only children who haven't been punished that way, and my brother is better behaved than any of my cousins, and I am the only teenager I know that has never been grounded (though my brother has). The way I was punished if I got to out of hand (my brother as well) was that if I began to throw a tantrum my mother would hold me down between her legs (as she was sitting on the couch, I know it sounds uncomfortable, but it wasn't tight , I just couldn't stand up or crawl away). I eventually calmed down, apologized, and learned to behave properly. After I turned 8ish there were time outs, and I've never needed more than a small scolding.
You're not alone-I have never been grounded, I don't even think my parents believe in grounding. Although I have been spanked. (Read on)

As most people have already said, I think spanking should be used as a last resort, only for behaviors that have been repeated by the child and stop at a certain age (possibly before the child officially starts school). I was spanked only one time-it was on a visit to Mexico (majority of my family resides there), I was hitting other family members if they got close to my mother. One day, my mother had enough of me slapping other family members even though I was told several times not to do it. So she gave me two slaps on the butt and that was it.
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Post by Passions55 » Mon Aug 18, 2008 1:25 am

I want to throw a different slant on this discipline through spanking thing. Does any one believe or think it would be beneficial in a married couple to use domestic Discipline? I'm not try to offend any one with this question but since it's out there and it is used by modern couples even in the United States I wanted to hear what every ones opinion on it is. It is definitely religiously based and very traditional in it's fundamentals but here are two articles about the subject that I found:

http://www.christiandomesticdiscipline.com/CDDHome.html

http://www.vickiblue.com/home.html

these outline a man as the authority over the woman scenario, but I've also heard of it going both ways between the man and the woman in the relationship.
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Post by Tiff » Mon Aug 18, 2008 6:17 am

Passions55 wrote:I want to throw a different slant on this discipline through spanking thing. Does any one believe or think it would be beneficial in a married couple to use domestic Discipline? I'm not try to offend any one with this question but since it's out there and it is used by modern couples even in the United States I wanted to hear what every ones opinion on it is. It is definitely religiously based and very traditional in it's fundamentals but here are two articles about the subject that I found:

http://www.christiandomesticdiscipline.com/CDDHome.html

http://www.vickiblue.com/home.html

these outline a man as the authority over the woman scenario, but I've also heard of it going both ways between the man and the woman in the relationship.
An adult striking another adult is entirely different than an adult using spanking as a form of discipline against a child. A child is exactly that...a CHILD. An adult is not a minor, nor do they require control by another adult or their spouse. I don't believe either spouse to be submissive to one another, and the idea of a husband being able to physically discipline his wife is just ludicrous, and quite frankly, ridiculous. When used correctly, spanking shouldn't be much more than a swat or two to the bottom...it isn't meant to hurt or harm the child, it's meant to shock, to pull the child's attention to the adult and to the consequence of their behavior. The only purpose to spanking an adult would be to cause harm, which is completely the opposite of what physical discipline is supposed to do.

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Post by Senshi_of_Vision » Mon Aug 18, 2008 9:25 am

Exactly what Tiff said but to add my own take.

A parent disciplines their child to mold them into adults. To me discipline should only result in spanking when every other avenue is exausted. I can still count on both hands the times Ive had to resort to spanking as a form of punishment and would prefer it that way.

And id definately not want to participate in any relationship as an adult where domestic discipline is tolerated. Not as the discipliner or the one recieving. If by the age of marriage and consent you still need to be told what to do when to do it and to be disciplined for such things you do not need a spouse you still need a parent.

But thats just my take on the issue, id not want any parts of something like that.
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Post by Passions55 » Fri Oct 10, 2008 11:12 pm

Senshi_of_Vision wrote:And id definately not want to participate in any relationship as an adult where domestic discipline is tolerated. Not as the discipliner or the one recieving. If by the age of marriage and consent you still need to be told what to do when to do it and to be disciplined for such things you do not need a spouse you still need a parent.
what are your feelings on the adult women who agree or go along with this domestic disipline? In my socilogy course I'm taking this year this issue was adressed in class and I was shocked by the amount of women in America alone that have marriages and relationships where domestic disipline is used. These are fully grown, fuctioning women who allow them selves to be spanked by their husbands/boyfriends when they've done some thing wrong.

A few of these set-ups are regligious based and these women are trying to follow what they think is a proper Christian marriage of adhering to your husband and submitting to his judgement which includes disipline. The thing that gets me that in a video that was shown in class interveiwing these women, is that several of them stating that they don't agree with the domestic displine and didn't like being spanked because she felt it was humilating and degrading, but allowed her marriage to be that way because she didn't want to go against what God intended as her place in marriage. :?
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Post by Senshi_of_Vision » Fri Oct 10, 2008 11:43 pm

Though I have never met anyone who behaves that way whether they use their religion or just how they were raised as an excuse for it Id still not like the process. I suppose if a persons faith dictates they should be disciplined even as a married adult I can respect their decision. But to me anyone who gives up their right to be a free thinking adult, who makes their own choices without the risk of a spouse discipling has other severe issues.

I cant even rationalise how anyone would want to be married to someone who disciplined them as if they were children. And then what preceedance does this set for their children? Especially young girls. Where do you draw the line? If they marry someone who is actually abusive do they decide because their mother/father accepted such a lifestyle (though maybe not severe) its a norm?

To me discipline should remain the role of a parent to a child, anything else outside people who have fetishes are abnormal. And even fetish people themselves are classified as abnormal so I can only imagine what people who willingly do this without the sexual gratification are thought of as.

But thats just my thoughts on that.
"Have you been half asleep? And have youve heard voices?
I hear them calling my name."
Is this the sweet sound, that calls the young sailors?
The voice maybe one in the same.
Ive heard it too many times to ignore it,
its something that I sposed to be..
Someday we''''ll find it, the rainbow connection
The lover, the dreamer, and me..."




*Being a bad girl is such hard work....

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Post by Tiff » Sat Oct 11, 2008 7:58 am

If a grown adult willingly allows themselves to be spanked, then I have no sympathy for them. It's one thing if someone is manipulated into being beat, and is in an abusive relationship...totally different scenario. But if she allows herself to be "disciplined" because she "doesn't want to anger god"...well, hell, that's her own stupidity. Someone who recognizes something as humiliating, wrong, and degrading, and yet chooses to go along with it anyway...*shrugs* That's not abuse. That's a life choice.

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Post by AnimatedEvey12 » Sat Feb 14, 2009 2:07 pm

Did anyone watch Supernanny last night?
The father of the kids would spank his 3 little girls with the belt even for the little things. Not only that but he called his girls (there was also a 14year old) and call them bitches. It made me sick, apparently supernanny told the father that he had anger issues (he would usually be in an angry mood when he spanked his girls).
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