Things I learned from bad movies

Anything and everything (outside of the stuff on the above forums) can be discussed here.

Moderators: SMU Staff, SMU Chibi-Mods

Locked
User avatar
Jusenkyo no Pikachu
SMU Divine Fan
SMU Divine Fan
Posts: 950
Joined: Tue Oct 21, 2003 11:31 am
Location: Australia

Things I learned from bad movies

Post by Jusenkyo no Pikachu » Mon Mar 07, 2005 8:34 am

This is, of course, ripped off from http://www.badmovies.org, except for the fact that I typed up the content of these lists myself. Feel free to do your own--only criterion is that the movie has to be so exceptionally bad that no sane person would rent it.

BETAVILLE
Any device that is intended for use against aliens can easily double as a sex toy.
Aliens can copulate by sticking their fingers in each other's ears.
Any room on another planet that is destroyed can easily be rebuilt
Any act from an alien will be noted as an act of war by the President of the United States.
In the future, summer camps will be turned over to the children during wartime.

PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE
Exhausts from flying saucers will not mess up your hair
You can die leaving a shadow.
For men: after you die, your corpse will grow a foot and magically acquire a cape.
Women zombies look like vampires
Sunlight is made of atoms, and can explode.
Electron guns can jam.
One exploded panel will set an entire ship alight
It is possible to be in two time zones at once
There is another kind of flying saucer that comes from underground
Visits indicate visitors
We were lied to as kids: cockpits don't contain a lot of equipment
Advanced civilizations will have ships that wobble around.

MANOS: THE HANDS OF FATE
Satyrs repeat themselves
It is entirely possible for two people to speak with the same voice
It's also possible for women to slap guys to death
Making out is illegal, even if no private areas are exposed
Demonic hell hounds make excellent pets

LASERHAWK
Luke Skywalker is really a 250,000,000 year old alien in disguise
After you defeat aliens, it is polite to therefore not give your friends and relatives on Earth a second thought.
Humanity was created to be eaten
Spaceships from ancient civilizations will be given really silly names that hammer home the fact that the builders watches one too many episodes of Transformers
It is possible not to notice that an entire village has just disappeared, although the military will notice an entire village has been destroyed (in Plan 9)
It's possible to teach a comic book author how to pilot an alien spaceship in ten minutes.

THE STAR WARS HOLIDAY SPECIAL
Carrie Fisher has a terrible singing voice
Only Han Solo can understand Wookiee speak
Mark Hamill looks odd in makeup
Doing a popular movie will not get you a high budget on a TV show

SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS
Santa has a reindeer named Nixon
Martians can easily be confused with TVs
Pia Zadora was cursed from the very beginning
Santa can turn robots into toys
It is possible to confuse a green martian with a white Earthling
Not only can santa squeeze through a pipe, but so can any kids he brings with him
Martians are so dumb you can fool them by switching light bulbs around.
"That new girl? She seems kinda weird to me. And what kind of name is Buffy anyway?"
"Hey, Aphrodisia!"
--unaired Buffy pilot

If you're reading this, then you've lost the game.

User avatar
Tiff
SMU Staff
SMU Staff
Posts: 7604
Joined: Mon Oct 13, 2003 1:24 pm
Location: TX
Contact:

Post by Tiff » Mon Mar 07, 2005 6:00 pm

o_O; i haven't heard of a single one of those.

Joey: The question is, Rachel, does he like you? ''Cuz if he doesn''t, then it''s all just a moo point.
Rachel: Huh...a...moo point?
Joey: Yeah. It''''s like a cow''s opinion. It doesn''t matter....It''s moo.
-Friends

"In learning you will teach and in teaching you will learn"
-Son of Man, Tarzan

"Why do we have to resort to nonviolence? Can’t we just kick their asses?"
-Leela, Futurama

~*Happily married to My Joe since 08/04/07*~

User avatar
SailorSpace
SMU Fan
SMU Fan
Posts: 260
Joined: Mon Nov 22, 2004 6:29 pm
Location: Kansas City MO

Post by SailorSpace » Mon Mar 07, 2005 8:06 pm

move along, nothing to see here. Thank you.
Last edited by SailorSpace on Mon Mar 07, 2005 9:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"Miko Miko Nurse"
Madamada iku yo!!
Miko miko nurse! Miko miko nurse!
namamugi namagome miko miko nurse!!
Miko miko nurse! Miko miko nurse!
Kaerue pyoko pyoko miko miko nurse!!
Miko miko nurse! Miko moko nurse!
Sexual violet miko miko nurse!!
Miko miko nurse! Miko miko nurse!
Soul train miko miko nurse!!
Miko miko nurse! Miko miko nurse!
Anesan rokkaku miko miko nurse!!
Miko miko nurse! Miko miko nurse!
Riichi ippatsu miko miko nurse!
Miko miko nurse! Miko miko nurse!
Miko miko nurse! Miko miko nurse!
Miko miko nurse! Miko miko nurse!
Miko miko nurse! Miko miko nurse!
Saigo ni mou icchou! HAI!!
Miko miko nurse!!



Oh my god.

That's so incredibly fucked up and so incredibly cute all at the same time.-Tiff-Chan


Seeking a band.

User avatar
Tiff
SMU Staff
SMU Staff
Posts: 7604
Joined: Mon Oct 13, 2003 1:24 pm
Location: TX
Contact:

Post by Tiff » Mon Mar 07, 2005 8:21 pm

SailorSpace wrote:
SAILOR MOON R:
Some flowers can really kick your ass
Sailor Moon R is a bad movie?

Joey: The question is, Rachel, does he like you? ''Cuz if he doesn''t, then it''s all just a moo point.
Rachel: Huh...a...moo point?
Joey: Yeah. It''''s like a cow''s opinion. It doesn''t matter....It''s moo.
-Friends

"In learning you will teach and in teaching you will learn"
-Son of Man, Tarzan

"Why do we have to resort to nonviolence? Can’t we just kick their asses?"
-Leela, Futurama

~*Happily married to My Joe since 08/04/07*~

User avatar
MarioKnight
SMU Staff
SMU Staff
Posts: 1640
Joined: Sat Oct 11, 2003 12:07 am
Location: Baldwinsville, NY
Contact:

Post by MarioKnight » Mon Mar 07, 2005 8:41 pm

*nods* Yeah, that seems odd. Every movie listed in that post (SMR, Dumb and Dumber, and Dazed and Confuzed) were all really good movies IMO. They seem to not meet the criteria of the first post, stating that the movies that you choose have to be so bad that no sane person would even rent them. I don't see how those movies meet that requirement, since there's lots of people who would try to watch them by whatever means necessary.
Dan Bednarski ~ MarioKnight
Narsk.NET
smuncensored.com administrator
WikiMoon SysOp
phpBB MODs - Change forum banner
SMU :: MKBO :: Jumbled Thoughts :: FightingMongooses.com
DD:Recall Profile and DDR scores
Xbox Live Profile

Warriors of Legend: Reflections of Japan in Sailor Moon - Book on sale now! Please support!

Click here to have your voice heard to bring tokusatsu shows (such as PGSM) to this side of the ocean.

RIP
Sam DeNato: 1/11/07
Kevin Watt: 10/7/07
Evan Schoberlein - 7/24/08


This list seems to keep on growing. =(

User avatar
SailorSpace
SMU Fan
SMU Fan
Posts: 260
Joined: Mon Nov 22, 2004 6:29 pm
Location: Kansas City MO

Post by SailorSpace » Mon Mar 07, 2005 9:31 pm

Oops. I'll edit my post. :oops:
"Miko Miko Nurse"
Madamada iku yo!!
Miko miko nurse! Miko miko nurse!
namamugi namagome miko miko nurse!!
Miko miko nurse! Miko miko nurse!
Kaerue pyoko pyoko miko miko nurse!!
Miko miko nurse! Miko moko nurse!
Sexual violet miko miko nurse!!
Miko miko nurse! Miko miko nurse!
Soul train miko miko nurse!!
Miko miko nurse! Miko miko nurse!
Anesan rokkaku miko miko nurse!!
Miko miko nurse! Miko miko nurse!
Riichi ippatsu miko miko nurse!
Miko miko nurse! Miko miko nurse!
Miko miko nurse! Miko miko nurse!
Miko miko nurse! Miko miko nurse!
Miko miko nurse! Miko miko nurse!
Saigo ni mou icchou! HAI!!
Miko miko nurse!!



Oh my god.

That's so incredibly fucked up and so incredibly cute all at the same time.-Tiff-Chan


Seeking a band.

User avatar
Jusenkyo no Pikachu
SMU Divine Fan
SMU Divine Fan
Posts: 950
Joined: Tue Oct 21, 2003 11:31 am
Location: Australia

Post by Jusenkyo no Pikachu » Mon Mar 07, 2005 10:19 pm

Tiffu: Many won't have. I saw Plan 9 on Local TV, found Betaville and Laserhawk at a video library, saw Santa Claus CtM on TV


SOLARBABIES
Crystal Balls can take care of themselves
Owls sound like hawks
Jesus wasn't stabbed with a spear. Actually, he had a ball thrown into him. The correct term is the "Sphere of Longinus".
Likewise, "Bodhi" is not a word for "Awakening"
Robots can be programmed to be sadistic
Also, fearsome robots will have names that sound like weed killers
Never get fresh with a girl holding a shovel
"That new girl? She seems kinda weird to me. And what kind of name is Buffy anyway?"
"Hey, Aphrodisia!"
--unaired Buffy pilot

If you're reading this, then you've lost the game.

User avatar
Tiff
SMU Staff
SMU Staff
Posts: 7604
Joined: Mon Oct 13, 2003 1:24 pm
Location: TX
Contact:

Post by Tiff » Mon Mar 07, 2005 10:27 pm

Jusenkyo no Pikachu wrote:Tiffu: Many won't have. I saw Plan 9 on Local TV, found Betaville and Laserhawk at a video library, saw Santa Claus CtM on TV
'

Then..how are most of us supposed to relate with your posts? It's hard for people to find these things amusing or funny if most of us have never heard of these movies, let alone seen them.

Joey: The question is, Rachel, does he like you? ''Cuz if he doesn''t, then it''s all just a moo point.
Rachel: Huh...a...moo point?
Joey: Yeah. It''''s like a cow''s opinion. It doesn''t matter....It''s moo.
-Friends

"In learning you will teach and in teaching you will learn"
-Son of Man, Tarzan

"Why do we have to resort to nonviolence? Can’t we just kick their asses?"
-Leela, Futurama

~*Happily married to My Joe since 08/04/07*~

User avatar
Jusenkyo no Pikachu
SMU Divine Fan
SMU Divine Fan
Posts: 950
Joined: Tue Oct 21, 2003 11:31 am
Location: Australia

Post by Jusenkyo no Pikachu » Tue Mar 08, 2005 12:35 am

Tiff wrote:stuff.
Um...ah...look! *points* *runs other way*

Actually, most of these movies will in fact be easily accessible from a video library, and MANOS and SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS have both been shown on MST3K. As for STAR WARS HOLIDAY SPECIAL, it's easily available from KaZaA (that's how I saw it). PLAN 9 has spawned a large cult (and is probably the real odd movie out on my list) and has been available on DVD for some time now.

DRAGON BALL: THE MAGIC BEGINS (I swear this film exists!)
Men who touch girls are called "rapists"
Live boys with staffs should always have accompanying headbands (translation: Monkey was the only decent live adaptation of the source material to make it across the ocean)
Taiwan should tighten its copyright laws

GIGLI
Lesbians aren't really gay--they're just bisexuals who don't like men
Bad movies can be made bad by the media.
"Hetero-lingus" is NOT a word.

LEFT BEHIND
The Antichrist will be Romanian

THE OMEGA CODE
The Antichrist will be British

MEGIDDO
The Antichrist will be British, despite being born in America and raised in Italy.

THUNDERBIRDS
Jonathan Frakes should never be allowed near a kids TV show ever again.
Last edited by Jusenkyo no Pikachu on Sat Sep 17, 2005 10:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"That new girl? She seems kinda weird to me. And what kind of name is Buffy anyway?"
"Hey, Aphrodisia!"
--unaired Buffy pilot

If you're reading this, then you've lost the game.

User avatar
DuoTheShinigami02
SMU Freak
SMU Freak
Posts: 318
Joined: Sun Dec 21, 2003 10:34 am
Location: Mt. Rainier, MD
Contact:

Post by DuoTheShinigami02 » Tue Mar 08, 2005 1:04 am

SCOOBY-DOO:

Accept all the Internet BS rumors about SD and integrate it in the storyline. For example:

1. Cast a (then soon-to-be) real-life couple just to play off the Fred and Daphne romance angle

2. Insert all the mary-juana references, mmm-kay?

3. Try to tease that Velma is gay (a la Waylon Smithers)

And finally...

4. Take one of the most controversial characters in the show and COMPLETELY BURY HIM AND HIS CHARACTER, JUST TO PLEASE THEIR FANTASIES!!!
"After all these years, you know it's not about control. It's about trying to do everything I can. And for you, it's about setting an example. Everyone looks up to you. They listen to you. If you tell them to fight, they'll fight. But they need to be inspired, and let's face it, 'Superman'...the last time you really inspired anyone... was when you were dead." -- Batman, to Superman, Infinite Crisis, issue 1

User avatar
Mendoza
SMU Newbie
SMU Newbie
Posts: 41
Joined: Tue Jun 22, 2004 3:05 am
Location: Texas

Post by Mendoza » Sun Mar 20, 2005 1:30 am

Chopping Mall
Panties can block lazer shots but if they hit your head it will explode

User avatar
Jusenkyo no Pikachu
SMU Divine Fan
SMU Divine Fan
Posts: 950
Joined: Tue Oct 21, 2003 11:31 am
Location: Australia

Post by Jusenkyo no Pikachu » Fri Jun 24, 2005 7:48 am

GREASE 2
Words do not have numbers in them. Or spaces.
Michelle Pfeiffer straddling a ladder is really weird.
In 1961, no self-respecting teenage male drove a car.
"That new girl? She seems kinda weird to me. And what kind of name is Buffy anyway?"
"Hey, Aphrodisia!"
--unaired Buffy pilot

If you're reading this, then you've lost the game.

User avatar
Jusenkyo no Pikachu
SMU Divine Fan
SMU Divine Fan
Posts: 950
Joined: Tue Oct 21, 2003 11:31 am
Location: Australia

Post by Jusenkyo no Pikachu » Mon Aug 25, 2008 12:01 pm

Battlefield Earth
In the future, gravity will be distorted so that everything can only be viewed from odd angles.
In the future, radiation will be completely harmless. The only problem is that it will turn everything green.
Implausibly well-preserved fighter planes that only put up a measly 9-minute fight before are ideal weapons against advanced alien races.
Books printed 200 years ago will still be readable 1000 years in the future. Anything earlier than that will remain in a delicate-but-stable condition.
Aliens from a distant world have knowledge of written English and Euclidean geometry.
Said aliens will also use modified Arabic numerals.
If you yank a nuclear warhead from a cruise missile, it will not only still work, but it will also destroy an entire planet when detonated on that planet's surface.
It's possible to shoot at a running man in such a way that he gets hit by neither bullets nor debris.
Statues from minigolf courses will survive the test of time.
Primitive humans from future times will give themselves really dumb middle names.
"That new girl? She seems kinda weird to me. And what kind of name is Buffy anyway?"
"Hey, Aphrodisia!"
--unaired Buffy pilot

If you're reading this, then you've lost the game.

User avatar
Jusenkyo no Pikachu
SMU Divine Fan
SMU Divine Fan
Posts: 950
Joined: Tue Oct 21, 2003 11:31 am
Location: Australia

Post by Jusenkyo no Pikachu » Wed Sep 10, 2008 11:11 am

Disaster Movie
Juno was a disaster movie.
Sex and the City was a disaster movie.
A Night At The Museum was a disaster movie.
Alvin and the Chipmunks was a disaster movie.
High School Musical...you know the drill. While we're at it, Enchanted too. And, for that matter, 10,000 BC
Viewers are complete morons who will laugh at whatever dumb joke is bashed over their heads.
Jokes about Sarah Silverman jokes are original, and there is no such piece as "I'm F***ing Ben Affleck".
Everybody has a Facebook.
Hannah Montana is really Miley Cyrus.
There was no joke in Twister about repeated instances of a cow flying across a screen.
It is not only perfectly plausible for Iron Man to be squished into the size and shape of a food tin, but it is also funny.
Parodies of comedies are funny.
Juno has an honest-to-blog idiosyncratic speech pattern, and can drink an entire bottle of Sunny D in minutes. Not only that, but she feels the urge to do so when we can see that her eggo is preggo.
Bashing Michael Cera on the head is funny. Because there is nothing else funny about any of the roles Michael Cera has ever played.
Amy Winehouse is bound for an early grave.
It is possible to have people instantly know that you're parodying Cloverfield despite not even considering the same approach.
Downloading pirated movies is stealing. Stealing is against the law. But in this case, I think the authorities should turn a blind eye.
Beginning and ending with a chair is a hell of a better idea than beginning with a dream and ending with a wedding presided over by a total loser. Heck, better plots have begun with karaoke and ended after a basketball game.
"That new girl? She seems kinda weird to me. And what kind of name is Buffy anyway?"
"Hey, Aphrodisia!"
--unaired Buffy pilot

If you're reading this, then you've lost the game.

User avatar
AnimatedEvey12
SMU Divine Fan
SMU Divine Fan
Posts: 599
Joined: Mon Mar 24, 2008 6:56 pm
Location: Illinois
Contact:

Post by AnimatedEvey12 » Tue Dec 23, 2008 11:18 pm

10,000 BC:
Pay attention in history class or else your movies will have mammoths working the pyramids in Egypt.
*~*FAVORITE QUOTES*~*
I...Drink...Your...MILKSHAKE!!!-Daniel Plainview, There Will Be Blood
[email protected]#$%, you dont have a future.-The Bride, Kill Bill Vol. 2
Everybody say YATTA!!!
Whats the most youve ever lost on a coin toss?-Anton, No Country For Old Men
Dont toy with me Dr. Jones ! What is the point of all this?-Agent Irina Spalko, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
Id sacrifice that bitch to satan!-Raye, Sailor Moon Abridged
I use a knife because guns are too quick. Otherwise, you cant savor all the emotions. You know who people are in their last moments-The Joker, The Dark Knight
DeviantART
AnimatedEvey12s Myspace, click if you dare!
My Blog
LJ!!!

User avatar
yoshmaster5
ZOMFG 1337
ZOMFG 1337
Posts: 1677
Joined: Wed Oct 15, 2003 10:10 pm
Location: Richland/Kalamazoo, MI, or Central Michigan University

Post by yoshmaster5 » Wed Dec 24, 2008 2:53 pm

I'd just like to add a tag to the Star Wars Holiday Special.

A line from Carrie Fisher:
"Anyone who actually likes that needs psychiatric help."
-Adam Picard-
Blake? oh, like a coffee break!!
Poet? What is that? Is it tasty? Is it a popular new snack? Usagi, Stars 179

James: For some reason I'm seeing you in a nurse's uniform...
Steve: Thank you Jeff, that will be all. ... He's not here, is he? Oh God I've internalized him...
-Coupling; The Freckle, the Key, and the Couple who weren't

'Who will tell us about this? Oh, no it is didnt know New Orleans was underwater guy.'
-Jon Stewart, The Daily Show

"Plus, Act now and you'll get the Mood of Dick Cheney! Including Rage, *RANH* Irritability, *RANH* and Mind-Blowing Orgasmic pleasure! *RAAAAANH* Order now!"
-The Daily Show, 8-22-06

User avatar
AnimatedEvey12
SMU Divine Fan
SMU Divine Fan
Posts: 599
Joined: Mon Mar 24, 2008 6:56 pm
Location: Illinois
Contact:

Post by AnimatedEvey12 » Mon Jan 26, 2009 10:41 pm

Alexander: The matrix apparently came long before the late 90s early 2000s.
*~*FAVORITE QUOTES*~*
I...Drink...Your...MILKSHAKE!!!-Daniel Plainview, There Will Be Blood
[email protected]#$%, you dont have a future.-The Bride, Kill Bill Vol. 2
Everybody say YATTA!!!
Whats the most youve ever lost on a coin toss?-Anton, No Country For Old Men
Dont toy with me Dr. Jones ! What is the point of all this?-Agent Irina Spalko, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
Id sacrifice that bitch to satan!-Raye, Sailor Moon Abridged
I use a knife because guns are too quick. Otherwise, you cant savor all the emotions. You know who people are in their last moments-The Joker, The Dark Knight
DeviantART
AnimatedEvey12s Myspace, click if you dare!
My Blog
LJ!!!

User avatar
Jamesares
SMU Visitor
SMU Visitor
Posts: 113
Joined: Thu Apr 17, 2008 9:59 pm
Location: Somewhere Between Genius and Insanity

Post by Jamesares » Tue Jan 27, 2009 9:32 am

Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter: You can fit 30 atheist in a SUV
There Shall Come One After Me
And From Death’s Icy Grip
She Shall Bring Light Upon The World Once More
And Placed Upon A Crystal Throne
Her Light Shall Shine Forever More
-Rise of Crystal Tokyo 1st Prophecy


“Oh, yes, I can just see it now. I’ll tell the others how I tried to talk you out of this like a reasonable, responsible friend, and you threw a Deep Submerge at me.”
-Rei to Michiru, Long Way Down by RadiantBeam


"I rather laugh with the Sinners than cry with the Saints, the Sinners are much more fun."
-Bill Joel, Only The Good Die Young


Words of Advice:
1. Always remember you are normal, it everyone else that "weird".
2. Remember Ferengi Rules of Acquisition #76: Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies.
3. Jack may be nimble and Jack may be quick, but he still burned his a** on the candlestick.

User avatar
SailorBallerinaMoon
SMU Visitor
SMU Visitor
Posts: 107
Joined: Sat Jan 24, 2009 3:12 pm
Location: United States

Post by SailorBallerinaMoon » Tue Mar 03, 2009 8:35 pm

High School musical: By working together soo much can be achieved, also in high school everybody should stick to the stuff they know and should not try new things and talk to people outside their social circle (I was being highly sarcastic)

Balls of fury: Ummmmmmmmmmmmm...........................nevermind.

Locked