Rape/Molestation

DreamEmpress · Post by **DreamEmpress** » Mon Dec 22, 2003 7:45 pm

Thank you everyone. I am very grateful.

Currently, my bishop is talking to the families of those involved. Unfortunately a majority of the ones involved have moved away, but I think there is still enough that he's going to send him to another congregation. However, the man has to go through the process of repentence first, which involves letter writing and other such things. According to my dad, the process hasn't even been started. The bishop is trying to find out first how people will feel before things move forward.

After thinking things over this morning and calming down, I think things will be ok. Your words of encouragement have also helped. I know that what happened is still on his record, so likely any bishop looking at it isn't going to be very willing to risk the safety of the children. This is all a big IF right now. Considering how old this man is now, I keep hoping he'll die before he decides to even really go through with it.

This whole matter has been a nightmare of mine since I was a child.

shansen · Post by **shansen** » Tue Dec 23, 2003 5:20 am

I actually never saw this thread the first time around, and I just read through it all ... I'm not sure what to say, except that it takes a lot of courage to be able to talk about this kind of stuff, especially when it happened to you. I only hope that what people have been saying here will help all of you to deal with the situation.

In my family, I don't think there has been any of that, although there has been some physical assault (we don't know if there was sexual, though). My half-sister got attacked a few times by her husband, finally winding up in the hospital with a broken arm and strangle marks on her neck. We later found out she had been attacked on her wedding night, and one or two other times, too.

Fortunately, my half-sister married another guy who is really nice, and they are very happy.

My one aunt was married to a guy, who basically viewed her as nothing. We didn't find out about the assault-related stuff until much later, after their divorce. We still don't know all the details, and I doubt we ever will.

She's now engaged to a guy who is really nice, and she's gotten her life back on track.

Basically, I've been brought up with the idea that it's just wrong to hit a girl (unless it's a self-defence thing; i.e. being attacked by someone). It may seem outdated, chauvinistic, etc., but that's that. If I ever even thought about it, I would have a half-dozen family members who would be ready to kill me.

I say that only half-jokingly ... let's just say my family knows some interesting people who could make things happen. Had my Dad and his siblings found out about either of the two above-mentioned incidents earlier on, "things" definitely would have happened.

It really is sad how so many people have these stories ... whether they occurred to you directly, or to family, or even close friends, it has widespread repercussions. Fortunately, my family members have been able to continue on with their lives. I only hope that all of you are able to do the same.

Post by **Tiff** » Tue Dec 23, 2003 11:11 am

Dreamempress: *smiles* You have every right to feel how you feel, dear. We understand. I understand. I still wouldn't care if Scott dropped dead in front of me right now...and there's nothing heartless or wrong about that. You were wronged in a much more horrible way, and feeling what you feel will always be with you, but it will cool down eventually. Trust me. Your courage is admirable. *hugs*

whitewolf05 · Post by **whitewolf05** » Wed May 05, 2004 9:20 am

The way I look at it don't throw the guy in jail. GIVE THEM THE DEATH PENELTY. But that is just me.

kevin-sms · Post by **kevin-sms** » Wed May 05, 2004 8:34 pm

Hey, Well when I was 10 I was molested by this 15 year old guy....he's kinda my stepbrother...but I'm so happy he's ina Phoenix penitentiary! ...it wasn't a good experience....that's when I started thinking about suicide and being deppressed...
bye

EDITED BY MOD: Be careful about what words you use, please.

RoastedTwinkies · Post by **RoastedTwinkies** » Wed May 05, 2004 8:54 pm

Tiff, I truly admire your courage. I have both relatives and friends that have been through a rape and it's horrible to watch and feel their pain. I wanted to kill the guys that did it. I have never experienced anything like that, aside from guys trying to pick me up downtown. I have been through other painful things and your strength inspires me to makenai (never give up).

DreamEmpress · Post by **DreamEmpress** » Wed May 05, 2004 9:27 pm

Well, it's been a while since my last post on this and I thought I'd let everyone who has been so supportive of my struggle earlier this year know what has happened.

The issue was brought up to a higher council. My best friend even attended a meeting with her parents who brought in information about the case. Apprently the original file on this was missing when the new Stake Presidency was organized. Her step father made sure that they recieved another copy and they reviewed it. She even gave her story.

Another copy of this information was given to the attacker's son. He had been trying to get his father back in the church, but after reading the file, he has decided to drop it. From what my friend's mother told me, the attacker's family had been convinced for years that he was the real victim.

The Stake President reassured everyone that the man wouldn't be rebaptisized under his watch. I'm greatly relieved. Now I don't have to worry that other children will be in danger. However, it does still bother me that my attacker feels that he is the real victim and feels no remorse for the pain he's caused so many girls. It just makes me sick.

Post by **Tiff** » Wed May 05, 2004 10:56 pm

RoastedTwinkies wrote:Tiff, I truly admire your courage. I have both relatives and friends that have been through a rape and it's horrible to watch and feel their pain. I wanted to kill the guys that did it. I have never experienced anything like that, aside from guys trying to pick me up downtown. I have been through other painful things and your strength inspires me to makenai (never give up).

Thank you..wow, this thread is old >.>;

whitewolf05 · Post by **whitewolf05** » Thu May 06, 2004 1:29 pm

To all of you who had to go through that I express my deepest sympathies. (even though you most likly are sick and tired of it) Just so you all now, if I ever end up rapeing a girl its going to be a "thats all she wrote for me" and there would be no backing down.

Post by **AnimeGuru0** » Thu May 06, 2004 6:06 pm

DreamEmpress -

Yeah, if that guy thinks that he actually is the victim, then he obviously isn't sorry for what he did, and he obviously needs a serious period of repentance before rebaptism. And judging from how old you make him seem, it seems like he has psychological problems as well.

He wasn't a bishop or anything at one point was he?

Anyways, although there is no excuse for what this man has done, and while he may never be worthy to ever be rebaptized, i must first say this. You have to forgive others to be forgiven yourself. That's one of the founding principles of the gospel. Don't worry, he will recieve his punishment on the day of judgement. I know it may seem hard, but try and forgive and move on. Things will be much easier if you're not dragging around excess baggage.

DreamEmpress · Post by **DreamEmpress** » Thu May 06, 2004 6:44 pm

AnimeGuru0: No, he wasn't in any authority like that. Just a well liked member who hurt a lot of little girls over the years. This was his second offense. Right now he's in his 70's or older.

I have been trying to put this entire thing behind me since I was a teenager. However in the last few months I've recieved much more information on the entire thing. His wife used to be someone I trusted and thought highly of and now I find out she's an accomplice. I found out what kind of things he made his entire family believe.....I was never really angry until I began to learn all this. As the months have gone by, I've started to calm down and remember that everything is going to be ok, especially since the stake president has reassured us that all is well. (And I have been moving on with my life, been doing that for a long time.)

Stuff like this is always gonna haunt me. However, the gospel has been the only thing in my life that has kept me sane during it all. If it wasn't for my beliefs, I would have left this life years ago. I just sincerely hope that one day he comes to realize what he's done and is truely remorse. By then I know I'll be able to completely forgive.

RoastedTwinkies · Post by **RoastedTwinkies** » Fri May 07, 2004 9:14 pm

I wanted to mention a case that happened right here in Edmonton, I think. I can't remember when this happened, I think about 3 years ago. Anyway..

Some guys thought it would be fun to randomly kidnap a woman off the street and rape her. After they were done with her (sexually), they beat her pretty badly. She somehow survived and it turned out that the woman had full blown AIDS. I told my friend this at the retreat (see I'll be gone for a few days topic), and she replied, 'if someone tries to rape you, tell them you're HIV positive'. I don't think that's a bad idea and I also show no sympathy for the guys who got HIV from the woman they raped.

EDIT: You're so welcome, Tiff. *hugs*

Migiwa · Post by **Migiwa** » Fri May 28, 2004 12:41 pm

I suppose I can talk a little bit more. I left a message board where I was encouraged not to talk about things, since it involved people there. But since I'm gone from there. . . *shrugs slightly*

When I was about four years old, I was molested by a psychologist. Yeah, how's that for a trust issue, considering I'm bipolar and have to see them pretty often?

When I was fifteen I met a 21 year old boy (he is not a man). He lavished attention on me, and being naieve, I let him get close to me. He ended up raping me, but not knowing what to do, I just stayed with him. I figured since I wasn't a virgin anymore, why even bother? He got more and more abusive over time, even hit me, screamed at me, and treated me terribly. Even fucked with my mental state, and since my bipolar (among other things) wasn't diagnosed at the time, he would take advantage of me, try to convince me of things, and even 'brainwashed' me into a religious cult that was all weird and metaphysical. Was a bad mess.

Another 'boy' in his twenties that I was with for a time decided to have sex with me, even though I told him I did not want to. I suppose this also qualifies as rape. whee.

I was on a trip in Pennsylvania, and a man who was the roommate of someone I was staying with, decided to get me drunk and take advantage of that, despite the fact that his wife was coming home the next day, and he had two children asleep upstairs. Then, my 'friend' had the nerve to act like it was my fault (she was supposed to be watching me, and she let him give me the drinks; she was supposed to be there to make sure I was safe. Then she left me completely alone with him, even though she knew that he had taken advantage of women before, and later on even told me about several cases.)

So yeah, I've got some happy PTSD issues, on top of my bipolar and borderline personality disorder. I'm kind of mildly fucked up.

Post by **Tiff** » Fri May 28, 2004 7:53 pm

Migiwa: I'm not going to say the same things I've always said, except that..I'm always here to talk. *Hugs* -_- why the hell do we fight so much...Ah, well. Here's to your strength, babe. *raises glass*

Migiwa · Post by **Migiwa** » Tue Jun 01, 2004 12:37 pm

Ne, Tiffu, I think now you know

Parakiss. . . I want to apologize. I sent you a PM. I hope you got it.

ParaKiss_Groupie · Post by **ParaKiss_Groupie** » Tue Jun 01, 2004 1:08 pm

Migiwa wrote:Ne, Tiffu, I think now you know

Parakiss. . . I want to apologize. I sent you a PM. I hope you got it.

Yeah, I got it. I replied to it. At least, I think I did.

EDIT: I remember typing it up, but it was never sent. o_0 I'll send it again later.

Migiwa · Post by **Migiwa** » Tue Jun 01, 2004 3:09 pm

Hey, I hope it's okay. . . *hugs*

Post by **Tiff** » Tue Jun 01, 2004 8:13 pm

whitewolf05 wrote:To all of you who had to go through that I express my deepest sympathies. (even though you most likly are sick and tired of it) Just so you all now, if I ever end up rapeing a girl its going to be a "thats all she wrote for me" and there would be no backing down.

......what in the name of the nine hells are you trying to say?

The "If I ever end up raping a girl" part just plain disturbs me. Please clarify what you're saying before I take it the wrong way and get completely angry.

Migiwa · Post by **Migiwa** » Wed Jun 02, 2004 10:46 am

whitewolf05 wrote:To all of you who had to go through that I express my deepest sympathies. (even though you most likly are sick and tired of it) Just so you all now, if I ever end up rapeing a girl its going to be a "thats all she wrote for me" and there would be no backing down.

Um. . . what in the f*ck are you saying? (And why would you 'let yourself' rape a girl/woman??? What, you think it's a common occurance?)

Akarui Kibuno · Post by **Akarui Kibuno** » Wed Jun 02, 2004 1:09 pm

Well, I saw replies to this thread and I would say that what whitewolf said looks like nonsense...

"If I ever end up raping" ... err... no one in their right mind would think of the possibility of doing that ¬_¬