Rape/Molestation

J Anderson · Post by **J Anderson** » Mon Oct 27, 2003 5:24 pm

I'm not even going to say who was involved(it' wasn't me, though, if you're wondering), but a relative of mine was molested at 12 years old by a married man, also a relative.

He's tried to apologize for it, but I refuse to buy it, especially after all his anti-drug lessons only to find out he was a marijuana addict all my life. A hobby he only admitted was wrong because it was costing him money.

Needless to say, it's one relative who's funeral I don't plan on attending.

Akarui Kibuno · Post by **Akarui Kibuno** » Mon Oct 27, 2003 6:05 pm

Well... I have to let something out, too. Didn't happen to someone in my family but to a friend.

I met "Bee" (I'll call her that) at the beginning of our first year for our degree (meaning, last year). She looked kinda goth, though I had no idea of what "goth" could mean. I only saw her wearing black clothes and she kept telling me how she loved Marilyn Manson.

That didn't stop me from talking to her. We became close and we kept talking about a lot of our personal lives. About guys... though everytime she was talking she seemed to despise them a lot.

I thought it was suspect. And I was right. One day, she came back at school crying. A friend of her family had called her mother to tell her about something that had happened years ago. This friend had learn (I don't know how) that Bee's father had raped her when she was 13 (she's 19 now). And she wanted something to happen. She knew that something had to be done cause Bee's life was not perfect.

Bee's mother told her. Bee didn't know what to do at first... "They're my parents, I can't do that" was her first opinion. As a friend I didn't want to pressure her, but I told her that she had to do the thing that would relieve her from her past.

She chose to file a complaint (... is that the phrase ?) in the end, and lives now worse than ever, she has practically no money, her parents "stole" what she had earned during vacations when she still lived with them.

Her parents are in prison and she is alone, waiting for the final trial. And blames the world for being so alone. Blaming herself first.

This is also what rapes does. Self-esteem goes low. So low that sometimes, you feel people are better than you just because of some tiny differences.

I have told you this story, because this can make things hard for the people around. As for me, I love Bee, she's a dear friend, but even if I understand her situation totally, I can't forget myself, trying to save her.

What I mean is, the friends want to repair the situation. They want justice, too. They want to help from the bottom of their heart. I would like to help Bee as much as possible but... my own life makes it hard sometimes and she doesn't understand why. She thinks I live in heaven and she's the one in hell.

I don't know how some of you have moved on, but I will say "congratulations". I wish my friend had your courage. I wish I could just tell her to realize that she's a good person no matter what sick things people did to her, and that it would work.

It made me all so sad to read your experiences... now I'm almost crying, because if I could, I'd be with all of those who knew that, personnally or not, because everytime I read a sad story, my heart goes out to help.

All my heart goes to you, people. I wish you and the ones you know who went through those things the best lives possible. If anyone wants to talk to me directly, please do. Heart open, doors open to anyone who wants.

Lucied · Post by **Lucied** » Mon Oct 27, 2003 6:29 pm

I hate rapists. I have no sympathy for them whatsoever, I hope every rapist gets life in prison.

And to those who have been in such a situation, it takes a lot of courage to get over something like that, let alone even tell us the story in the first place. I'm sorry for what happened to all of you, and you have my condolences.

Anthy · Post by **Anthy** » Mon Oct 27, 2003 8:09 pm

Thank you, each and every one of you, who had the strength to tell us about it. ^^ Love, hugs, and glomps to all of you.

My mother was sexually molested by her older brother from the time she was about eight till the time she left her family to live on her own. Her mother and father knew about it, but they were also too severely messed up in the head to want to do anything about it. Her mother had severe depression and would spend days sleeping or wandering around in a trancelike state, ignoring everyone. Her dad was physically abusive.

This left her with many psychological issues. The psychiatrists she's been to generally concur that she has borderline personality disorder. I have nothing but the deepest sympathy for her, but she was not capable of raising me with her trauma. Her mood swings are unpredictable and violent. I was one of her targets when I lived with her from ages 6-10. One day, she would love me unconditionally, the next, she would blame me for every single problem she had, including my parents' divorce. My mom was so convincing that I believed every horrible thing she told me, about how my dad didn't really love me and how he was going to take me away from her to get revenge. She never really understood that I was a seperate person from her, so she and I basically shared the same feelings and would take them out on me with physical abuse or neglect. There was once she left me alone in the trailer for three days without prior notice. In the night, she left, and was back on Wednesday morning. I didn't eat or sleep or go to school because I waited for her. That's how I dealt with her, smile and agree and apologize for all of what she held me resposible for. She was unable to keep a job for more than a year; at one point in time she worked at Burger King and we lived in a campground.

It makes me so happy that you gals have successfully dealt with it. ^^ Rape can hurt more than just those involved. It rips up generations. I'm sorry to have gone on about how her rape affected me, but that's mostly what I know about it. Thank you... I hope I can gain enough strength to share my own experiences. ^^

yoshmaster5 · Post by **yoshmaster5** » Mon Oct 27, 2003 8:23 pm

I'm sorry for all of you who went through this...

Rapists should get Life in Prision.

and about the guy who raped someone, and wants VISITING/CUSTODY??? NO! JAIL HIM! HE ADMITTED TO RAPE, JAIL THE BASTARD!!

Post by **Tiff** » Mon Oct 27, 2003 8:46 pm

^_^ you guys are great.

ParaKiss_Groupie · Post by **ParaKiss_Groupie** » Mon Oct 27, 2003 9:10 pm

Well, now I'm worried. All of you who mentioned your family members, or close friends, how did you react? You guys seemed like you didn't go through everything I did. Now I'm starting to worry if I really am that violent person. So, just how did you guys take it?

Jed-kun · Post by **Jed-kun** » Mon Oct 27, 2003 9:11 pm

I don't mean to sound all controlling or anything, but please note that I did say to refrain from saying things like 'rapists should all be jailed and beaten'. However, if it's a closing to the story, like "He got life in Jail" it's different, it's just the facts of the story.

Em · Post by Em » Mon Oct 27, 2003 9:17 pm

I was locked in the barthroom and kept away form all sharp and or blunt objects and the car key's the rest of the hoilday. I was very ready to tie the guy up and do a little bit of biology on him and stop him from conreducting to the human race ever again.

I got called the female Godfather by my dad when I told him what I wanted to do adn I'd still do it given the chance becuase like I said he's know and there's no proff

NameGoesHere · Post by **NameGoesHere** » Mon Oct 27, 2003 9:39 pm

I have had tough experiences in my life, but never anything like rape. I barely dealt with my own troubles and I can hardly grasp the kind of personal strength that it would take to surmount such circumstances. I have nothing but the utmost respect for those who can overcome and heal from these situations. To all who have shared your stories, I admire your courage and your strength so very much.

Rape not only hurts individuals but it can tear apart relationships and families. It hurts people physically, emotionally and mentally, and that is merely one of the things that make it so horrible. I have no sympathy what so ever for the people (if you can call them that) who do this, they just make me sick.

I certainly know that if anyone close to me was molested or raped I would have to be kept far away from the person who did it. I would tear the bastard apart in a very painful way.

Post by **Tiff** » Mon Oct 27, 2003 10:18 pm

ParaKiss_Groupie wrote:Well, now I'm worried. All of you who mentioned your family members, or close friends, how did you react? You guys seemed like you didn't go through everything I did. Now I'm starting to worry if I really am that violent person. So, just how did you guys take it?

ParaKiss, Derek reacted the same way. He was incensed with rage. He thought of nothing but horrid thoughts, he wanted to do so much to Scott. He can't stand to speak his name, he can't stand to talk about it...the night I told him (when he was in Massachusetts), he was saying things about how his hands wanted to do nothing but kill Scott. You are not wrong in how you felt. You are NORMAL.

DreamEmpress · Post by **DreamEmpress** » Tue Oct 28, 2003 12:53 am

*hugs Tiff* Thank you very much. That hug and support means the world to me.

Anthy, I can understand a little about what you mean by it hurting the generations. My mother has been my greatest support through everything I've gone through. However, sometimes she causes much pain too. She was beaten by her 1st husband and had her child taken from her by the Court at the divorce. Luckily it didn't go to him either. My dad has spent over 24 years being her support and strength when she has nightmares and pain.

Mom told me that we are not so different because she has an uncle who tired to molest her and my aunt. She also knows what it's like to have weirdos on the street harrass her. Sometimes I wonder if I'm part of some family curse going back centuries.

it's hard when mom gets demanding and plays the guilt game with me. The woman could make anyone feel guilty...even when it's not your fault. We've had many an argument over that very issue. I try to be understanding, but I guess she has her scars too. It's just hard not to be angry and frustarated with these things. I get upset thinking that two idiots had the idiocy to prey on an innocent woman for no reason and call it love. I keep praying that I will be able to protect my children so they will not suffer the same cycles and patterns to fall upon them.

I guess all I can advise is that you're not alone. Just look at how many people have written in with stories and with words of comfort. it's what makes me feel a lot better right now as I write about me and my family. Everyone who has gone through this has scars...some deeper than others. They will likely never truely heal...mine still reopen from time to time, but I know that no matter what as long as I have people who love me in this world, all is never truely lost. Why do I suddenly feel like an after school special? *lol*

Listen, if anyone ever needs a shoulder to cry on or just someone to talk to, my door is always open. *looks around* ok....even though I may not have an office...you know what I mean ^_^

ParaKiss_Groupie · Post by **ParaKiss_Groupie** » Tue Oct 28, 2003 7:22 am

Thanks, Tiff. That helps a lot. *goes into Cartman voice* I love you guys....

Oh, screw you guys!

yoshmaster5 · Post by **yoshmaster5** » Tue Oct 28, 2003 9:27 pm

ParaKiss_Groupie wrote:Thanks, Tiff. That helps a lot. *goes into Cartman voice* I love you guys....

Oh, screw you guys!

I'm going home!

<_<
>_>
<_<

I couldn't resist...

Jed-kun · Post by **Jed-kun** » Tue Oct 28, 2003 10:04 pm

Well, since I started this topic I spose that I should post my experiences in it.
1) When I was like 10 a good friend of mine told me about how her best friend was molested by her brother. I told a school concelor and I don't know what happend after that. First, 'cause it didn't really involve me anymore. Second, 'cause I moved to another state like 2-3 months later.

2) Edit: Had to get rid of this because I didn't want people to be able to figure out who everyone was, it might have come back to hurt the little girl later.

I think that in 2 it was a great tragedy because the poor littel girl will not recieve help with understanding and dealing with these confusing memories that will haunt her for the rest of her life. Some one else mentioned how a baby still remembers what happend, so this girl will most sertainly NEVER forget.

Please, no matter how old you are, get help from someone even if they arn't a professonal psychatrist. Anyone that you feel you can trust because 1-it's not your fault no matter what you think! and 2-it's not a burden you should have to take on your own.

DreamEmpress · Post by **DreamEmpress** » Mon Dec 22, 2003 2:54 am

I'm really sorry for bothering everyone with this topic again, but I just really needed some comfort. Seems that the wounds that I thought were healed, aren't.

I found out today from my parents that the man who molested me is thinking about being rebaptised in our congregation after all these years and it really upset me. Right now he has to write apology letters and stuff before he can even be considered, but I'm not sure what to do or think.

I'm a lot calmer than when I found out earlier this evening, but i'm still disturbed and break into tears. before I was just so angry. I keep hoping that I never recieve that letter. I'm not ready to forgive this at all.

Do you think that I'm being out of line with these feelings? I'm so confused.

NameGoesHere · Post by **NameGoesHere** » Mon Dec 22, 2003 3:54 am

Your feelings are not out of line at all! It's alright to be scared, angry, sad, confused, and any other feeling under the sun about something like this. I can't tell you what to do or how to deal. I am not that wise. However, I can say that you have every right to feel the way that you do.

My father deserted my mother and I, and I know what it's like to be so angry and confused that you just can't make sense of anything. But let me tell you something: your feelings are normal, and they are justified, and if you aren't ready to forgive this yet, then it is alright.

*hugs* If I could say something to make it right, then I would. But I can't, and I'm sorry. Just know that you'll be in my prayers, as corny as that may sound.

yoshmaster5 · Post by **yoshmaster5** » Mon Dec 22, 2003 11:41 am

Gomen na sai dreamempress!!!

I am so sorry...

ParaKiss_Groupie · Post by **ParaKiss_Groupie** » Mon Dec 22, 2003 11:54 am

DreamEmpress wrote: Do you think that I'm being out of line with these feelings? I'm so confused.

DreamEmpress, you are definitely not out of line. Remember, I wanted to kill the man who tried to rape my cousin. And I'm still not over that. I never will be. Maybe you should talk to the heads of your church. Explain to them that you don't, and won't, feel comfortable being near him. They should understand that. Churches are supposed to help eachother out, and they should respect your wishes.

Jed-kun · Post by **Jed-kun** » Mon Dec 22, 2003 4:25 pm

I agree with PK. You are sooo NOT over reacting. And I think that's he's an even biger ass than before, if he's truely "changed" then he should know better than to go to the church of a victom of his. He's rude, inconsiderat, and I don't see why he should get re-baptise at this church. Christianity may be about forgiveness, but it's also about understanding, so he needs to understand that you don't feel comfortable around him and he needs to move on elswhere.