Rape/Molestation

[Jed-kun]

I thought that the Bryant/Kelly topic was getting kinda full of rape/molestation discussion so it probably needed it's own topic. First, DO NOT make fun of any sittuation that someone may have went though. This is a sensitive topic and may hurt people if you make jokes. Second, DO NOT in any way feel obligated to post in this topic your own personal experiences. However, if you feel that it would be thereputic or benefitial to others you may. Also, if this is to sensiteive for you right now or you find it offensive DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER.

I just wanted to set up a little topic for people to get things off there chests/discuss curent events and what not about Rape and Molestation and stop filling up Bryant/Kelly with this debate.

[Tiff]

Good idea. I myself got carried away in the other thread and should have known better and made a new thread. Ah, well.
Just a follow-up on Jed-Kun's intro: If this gets out of hand in any way, Anthy or I will lock it. There's no reason for it to get out of hand. From what I gathered (and Jed-kun, correct me if I'm wrong, please.) this isn't a place to discuss the punishments rapists should get, or to argue over ethics. This is a place to discuss situations (if you feel comfortable), to discuss current rape/molestation charges, or for PEACEFUL discussion on the subject.

With that said, I shall make my post in a different text area so this post can be by itself.

[Tiff]

This is going to be hard for me to write. Not becuase I can't write it...no, I'm beyond that point of not being able to express pain. But becuase I don't tell many people this, and I will be opening up to many people, some who are complete strangers, some who are just buddies, and some who I feel are closer to me than others. But it's not something I'm ashamed of, so there's no reason for me to hide it.

NOTE: this post will be lengthly. I'm going to make allowances in this thread, as some people's story make take a while to get out.

About two years ago, I had a friend named Scott. Scott and I became very close after I was introduced to him by my friends "M", "A", and "J". J was dating Scott, but they broke up soon after I entered the circle. I found out later that it was becuase Scott kept making too many sexual advances on J, and she wasn't ready to do such things yet.
I always felt out of the circle of friends that the girls had. They had been friends for a long time, and they had so many secrets and inside jokes. I felt out of place. I was a bit older than they were, as was Scott, who was even older than I. He would tell me that they wouldn't want me inside their group, becuase they never made new friends. I believed him, becuase my self-esteem is not great (and it was even lower then.) We started to hang out together, and soon he started saying he loved me. I kind of brushed it off, and told him that was nice, and he was a good friend, but I loved Derek. He always told me he understood. But he did little things that I notice now, like..accidentally brush against me, and say "oh! I'm sorry! I didn't mean it!", or say something complimentary about my body, and then apologize for it. He always made sure you felt bad for him, and that you forgave him instantly.

He was good at what he did.

In the summer, Derek had to make the decision to go home for two weeks and visit his family (he's from MA) and leave me alone. I told him to go, becuase I wanted him to be happy. He left, and I felt more alone than ever. I was miserable. I had no friends (or at least, I thought I didn't), my only friend was gone for two weeks, and I was just...depressed. Scott knew this, and swooped right in. We hung out all the time. He made me laugh. I trusted him.
One night, we went out to eat and he took me to a park. We just sad there in his convertible, looking up at the sky and talking. He told me about his relationship with J, and turned it around so that I would sympathize with him. Then, he kissed me. I was so shocked and confused I didn't push him away, but I realized right after I didn't want him to. But I shut up. I was too afraid of losing a friend. Every day he would do something, like touch me,a nd then apologize for it.
The one day, he came over and brought his camera (he does photography as a hobby), and wanted to take pictures. We had done it before, so I saw no harm in it...soon he had taken my clothes off. I tried to keep a blanket on, but that left, too. Then he sexually assaulted me. I remember the incident from the doorway, becuase I did something that I've read about in books after the situation. I seperated by body from my mind, becuase it was too traumatic. It was like watching a movie. I didn't react. I just...lay there.
Soon after, we went to M's graduation party. I felt left out again. He took me home early, and my roommate was gone for the weekend. We sat onthe couch, and he started to touch me again. I kept trying to tell him lame things like "my roommate will be home..", which meant "get away from me". He pulled me up, and pushed me toward my bedroom. He looked at me, grinned, and said "Do you want the light on or off?". I just stared blankly at him, and said "What do you mean? On!" becase I had no grasp of what he was talking about. He took off my clothes, pushed me onto the bed, and sexually assaulted me again.
Again, I just lay there. When it was over, I was in physical pain becuase of the length of the act, and in complete emotional disarray.Everytime I tried to grab my clothes, he'd pull them away from my reach until he saw I was about to cry. Then he left, turned around and said "I'll see you same time tomorrow."

I broke down, jumped online, and talked to a close guy friend, who told Derek, who completely freaked out. I sat in the corner of my room, sobbing, while talking on the phone with his sister, who was trying to get him to talk to me. He wanted to kill Scott. I sobbed all night.

Scott kept telling me that Derek would never trust me again. I believed him. But I told him we couldn't talk anymore.

It's been a while, and I've since healed. I'm not completely over it..I never will be. I went through bouts of depression, nightmares, therapy, and huge mistrust. I still have trouble walking around by myself, for fear that I'll run into him. Last year, he showed up at my college graduation, and my brothers and my dad found out (I didn't tell them, only my mother did, but she vaguely told them at the graduation after they saw her reaction to his being there), and they nearly kicked his sorry ass. They certainly scared the piss out of him.

I still have trouble opening up to people. I'm not a complete bitch. I just can't open up anymore, until I've known you long enough. I've developed a hard shell, and I've changed dramatically.

I never pressed charges, as this is a small town and his dad is a lawyer here. I didn't want to re-live it all. The bastard lost all of his friends (And M stuck by me throughout all of it. J went back to being his friend, which lost my friendship with her, and M's.), and I hope he suffers for eternity. I have no pity for him. I found out he tried to do this with M, and raped his cousin. He can rot for all I care. He still has naked photos of me. He still goes to a great school, and his parents are none the wiser of what he did to me. He admitted to me later (I demanded my photos back one day online) that he knew what he was doing the entire time. I wouldn't be sorry if he died.

That's my story. And it feels good to get it out.

[Jed-kun]

Yes Tiff, you were right, this thread isn't about discussing punishment 'cause that might get WAY to heated combined with people discussing their personal experiences. It's just to talk about what your personal experienced (your's or people you know) with rape/molestation and what might help to get past it.

[ParaKiss_Groupie]

I can understand what you're family went through. When I heard about what happened to my cousin, I went ballistic. I wanted to track the bastard down and kill him. I tried, too. But none of my family would tell me his name. In fact, my cousin's father (he's not my uncle, and I hate him and wouldn't call him that even if he was) never found out about it, because he would've killed the boy. They made me swear not to tell him. I wanted to, though. I would have loved to see that boy die. It was a very scary time for my family. Bloodlust is a powerful and frightening emotion, especially in a fifteen-year-old boy. My mom almost had to put me in counseling for it. And I wasn't even the one who was almost raped. Tiff, you have even more respect from me now. You lived through something like this, and made it. I almost didn't, and I didn't go through half of what you did. You are so strong, so much moreso than me.

[Tiff]

Bloodlust is a powerful and frightening emotion, especially in a fifteen-year-old boy. My mom almost had to put me in counseling for it. And I wasn't even the one who was almost raped. Tiff, you have even more respect from me now. You lived through something like this, and made it. I almost didn't, and I didn't go through half of what you did. You are so strong, so much moreso than me.

Yes, it is, and I imagine you were devastated. I hate very few people. VERY few. And Scott is someone I hate with all of my energy. But I don't dwell on him anymore. I used to. Thoughts of him consumed me.
Thank you, ParaKiss. That means a lot to me. And you must have had one hell of a strong heart for your cousin, and that's admirable.

[Dinozore]

*shakes head at Tiff's post* People like that make me sick...

I have to admit, I think I did gain some respect for you. I can't even imagine how horrible that must have been.

[ParaKiss_Groupie]

Bloodlust is a powerful and frightening emotion, especially in a fifteen-year-old boy. My mom almost had to put me in counseling for it. And I wasn't even the one who was almost raped. Tiff, you have even more respect from me now. You lived through something like this, and made it. I almost didn't, and I didn't go through half of what you did. You are so strong, so much moreso than me.

Yes, it is, and I imagine you were devastated. I hate very few people. VERY few. And Scott is someone I hate with all of my energy. But I don't dwell on him anymore. I used to. Thoughts of him consumed me.
Thank you, ParaKiss. That means a lot to me. And you must have had one hell of a strong heart for your cousin, and that's admirable.

It took months before I stopped thinking about the guy who tried to rape my cousin. And I thought about him in secret. None of my friends knew about it. My family thought I had gotten over it. But I hadn't. I was constantly thinking about him, and how to hurt him. It got to where I wanted to kill his family. I wanted to torture him. And I was happy about it. I was thrilled about doing these things to him. I look back now, and it frightens me. I never would've thought that I could hate someone that badly. It's scary, knowing what you're capable of doing, and wanting to do it. I've had to bury that part of me, but it will never be truly gone. I think that's the worst part. I still am capable of doing those things. As I said, I was almost destroyed, and I wasn't even raped. I could never imagine what you went through. I'm not sure I want to.

[Anna Roz]

I went through somewhat of a drama this year, but it didn't involve me, but my cousin "Kara" (name changed because I want to respect her privacy and because of the circumstances of the situation..) Although I first found about this months ago, I'm still angry and upset. "Kara" had met someone over the internet who had claimed to be a teenage boy, and even sent her a picture of a teenage boy that she believed was him. They planned to meet somewhere. "Kara" apparently didn't tell her parents about the boy, and left the house that night, and her parents didn't ask. She was raped that night, the "Teenage boy" actually being a pedophile. The only person she told at first was my other cousin "Maria". She ended up getting pregnant with the man's child and managed to keep it secret for a while, but the parents found out and tried to notify the police. The police said that Kara "brought it on herself" but my aunt posted up composite sketches of the man and they did manage to find out about him. By this time, my mother had received the news and told me. She also said that Kara didn't want to abort the baby. What I find appalling about this is that Kara's family is so excited about the baby(which could arrive any day now) that it seems as if everyone's either trying to forget or cover up the horrid truth. I'll be visiting my cousins next month, but I don't know how I'll feel when I see the new baby girl. I mean, some people expect me to be happy, but I can't be, because what if justice isn't served for the guy who did this? I personally wish long lingering death for him, and I hardly wish that on anyone, except those who truly deserve it..I'm sorry to hear about your trauma, Tiff, I can only hope that one day, justice will be served as well..

[yoshmaster5]

gomen na sai Tiff... I'm sorry... same thing for your cousin Anna Roz... gomen...

people like that should be jailed for life. they are sick demented bastards...

[Em]

Tiff: Your a very brave person adn I amier your courgae.

Anna Roz: Sorry to hear about your cousin but please don't balme an inncoent baby for how it was brought into this world ( I knowit'll be hard)

My Cousin (* I'll call her S) was attacked my by her Uncle thoguth marrage when she was 4-5 they were staying at his house at teh time adn her little sisters ( A) was only 2 and in the abrht when he came in ( it didn't have a lock) he was after A but S stood up to him kept E behind her so he went for S inseted.

The he went for her in the laddies toilet's when she was 13 at her grandmothers funarul she then had to put up wiht him in teh car ride home.

We only found out 2 year's agao when she told my mum so that year we went over to Ireland foe Christmas we were in this cottage dad me and A went out Mum and S stayed behind and her mum came round and S told her mum everything.We came home and was told about what had happned

She went to the docters to get help as it was and was told " Oh yes we know about him we don't ahve any proff would you like to go to cvourt and be a witness" she freacked out over this as teh Witness can be cross examied by the culprit.

She still has bad astma attacks when she see's him. And A has flash back soemtimes about what ahppned when she was a baby too

The sick ting about this he IS know for this sort of thing his wife buy's him intersting video's adn still know one does nothing about it as there's "no proff".

I would like to say on thing I was locked up in the toliet for a few hours to be kept away from the knifes and car key's ( I know were he lives) and it's really only a matter of time before someone get's him anway

[Tiff]

ParaKiss: *nods* I totally understand. I can honestly say i'd be happy to know if Scott were in pain. And I'm not ashamed to say that. He caused me and my loved ones great pain, and he deserves no better. I'm glad you got help for it, ParaKiss, and of course it will never truly be gone, but managing it is the first step.

Dinozore, Em, Yoshmasterand AnnaRoz: Thank you. You guys are great to say that, and it really means a lot to me.

Isn't it sad that just about everyone who replied has a story? It's sad that there are so many sick and twisted people int he world. Like Dinozore said..these people make me sick. To know that there's this many of us (and the topic has barely begun) on the forum who have some sort of rape story about ourselves or a loved one is appalling.

[DreamEmpress]

Ok, i'm posting this in hopes that it will help others too. it sometimes still gives me the creeps to think about, but it was so long ago that I've shut down all major emotion about this.

I was 3 years old when a friend of the family (old enough to be my grandfather) molested me. this was in church during sacrement meeting and in other places too. it went on till I was 6. I had a question about an episode of The Judge and that's when I told my mom. She immediately called a friend in our congregation and found out this had happened to others too. After a time everyone finally brought forth complaints and the man was excommicated. We think he did it to my autistic sister too. This isn't his first offense of it either. What makes me upset is that he only got so much time in jail and then 10 years probation. I seriously wish it had been more server punishment, but I keep telling myself that he may not get it in this life, but in the afterlife I will be able to testify to the crimes and see that justice is served.

A few years after the incident, my mom had me call his wife to find out if she was going to be arriving soon. When he answered the phone, he told me he still loved me. That has creeped me out and I refused to call that house ever since. Thinking about it that call sometimes makes me phyiscally ill.

The second time was when I was 17 and was lost in downtown Seattle. I wasn't very confident and very unfamilar with that area. I got lost near Pioneer Square and some nice looking older guy asked me if I needed help. He was 30 something and said he was a college professor. He seemed friendly, so I decided to ask for help. He said he could take me to the bus stop. All I was asking for was to be pointed in the right direction. When we were walking he was rubbing my back and I was scared at being lost. When I get that scared, all use of my vocal cords is shut off. When we finally got to the bus stop I tried to stand with some space between us, but he pulled me close and wouldn't let me go. Then when the bus arrived he wouldn't let me on until he kissed my cheek. I huddled in my seat and then ran to my room crying. Luckily mom was there to comfort me.

Everyone tells me I could have avoided that situation, and I probably could have. I still kick myself for allowing myself to get scared enough to be blindly obediant. However, now I can walk downtown without getting the least bit scared. Being able to wield a golf umbrella for protection during the rainy season helps.

I hope I don't sound like I'm all light about these things, because I'm not. These are very serious and grim parts of my past that I don't share with many people. I still talk about them with my Mom sometimes, but not much anymore. I'm trying to move on and forget about them. My art and my writing have helped me through so much of this. It's also why I enjoy manga and anime...two great escapes from reality.

Anyway...hope I made sense. I still babble when I'm nerous.

[Tiff]

Dreamempress: To have that happen to you at ages 3-6,a nd then again at 17, and then for you to be able to move on is wonderful. You've come far, and you don't sound "light" about it; you sound as you should: healed, and ready to talk about it without extreme terror. You did well, hun. *hugs*

[Usagi04]

It's great all of you can heal from this. ^_^ I hope you all will be ok if it happened to you.

[Migiwa]

Well. . . yes. I've been through rape. More than once. I've learned that most of the time, people aren't willing to believe it really happened. Especially the wives or friends of men who did so. That abusive relationships can happen to anyone, even people who are considered "stubborn" or "powerful" or "confidant" by others.

But after a lot of things recently, I really don't want to delve into my personal descriptions at the moment.

(wow, what a cheery first post! ^^; )

[Tiff]

Usagi04: No pressure ^_^

Migiwa: hey, befu! *hugs* And don't feel pressured to tell your story. I know what you went through, and I would love to squeeze the testicals off of the guys that did it to you.

[Starscream]

I just want y'all to know that you have my support, if you ever need it. I don't know any rape victims personally (aside from you guys), so I can't even conceive of the emotional strength and fortitude you must have to be able to push past such a traumatic event. I applaude (sp?) you all, and again, will continue to offer any kind of support as long as it's needed.

[Jed-kun]

I want to give everybody in here a GREAT BIG HUG!!! The story's are so sad!!! But at least people are feeling comforted by them in a way.

[Jed-kun]

OMG!!! I don't know how many of you have heard this, but there is a guy (I think here in Florida) who raped a girl, got her pregnant and now WANTS COSDODY/VISITATION!!! How SICK is that! I hope that he dosn't/didn't get it.