Favorite sayings, quotes, or phrases.

Kameko · Post by **Kameko** » Fri Oct 28, 2005 11:38 pm

My friend was going through the ring tones on her cell phone and we found this one: Get off your blow up doll and answer the phone. I'm more fun anyway. I vibrate.

Blackat · Post by **Blackat** » Fri Nov 04, 2005 3:59 am

Get ready to be bombarded with Jack Handey quotes. XD

If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.

Marta was watching the football game with me when she said, "You know, most of these sports are based on the idea of one group protecting its territory from invasion by another group." "Yeah," I said, trying not to laugh. Girls are funny.

To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can you give me a hand?" you can say, "Sorry, got these sacks."

You know something that would really make me applaud? A guy gets stuck in quicksand, then sinks, then suddenly comes shooting out, riding on water skis! How do they do that?!"

And my all time favourite Jack Handey quote-

I guess I kinda lost control, because in the middle of the play I ran up and lit the evil puppet villain on fire. No, I didn't. Just kidding. I just said that to help illustrate one of the human emotions, which is freaking out. Another emotion is greed, as when you kill someone for money, or something like that. Another emotion is generosity, as when you pay someone double what he paid for his stupid puppet."

Classic stuff. XD

And because it's one of my favourite movies, here's some quotes from Singin' in the Rain-

Cosmo: Talking pictures, that means I'm out of a job. At last I can start suffering and write that symphony.
R.F. Simpson: You're not out of job, we're putting you in as head of our new music department.
Cosmo: Oh, thanks, R.F.! At last I can stop suffering and write that symphony.

[filming a scene with a microphone hidden in a bush]
Rosco: Lina! We're missing every other word! You've got to talk into the mike!
Lina: [pointing at the bush] Well, I can't make love to a bush!

Parallax · Post by **Parallax** » Sat Apr 14, 2007 8:27 pm

"From Hell's heart, I stab at thee! For Hate's sake, I spit my last breath at thee!"

Captain Ahab "Moby Dick
Khan Noonian Sighn Star Trek 2: The Wrath of Khan

Senshi_of_Vision · Post by **Senshi_of_Vision** » Sat Apr 14, 2007 10:55 pm

As much as I didnt really like the book Cell there is a line from the book that will stick with me for the rest of my days.

"What Darwin was too polite to say, my friends, is that we came to rule the earth not because we were the smartest, or even the meanest, but because we have always been the craziest, most murderous motherfuckers in the jungle."

sorry for the profanity but I wanted to put the quote in its entire form cause it just hit me hard when I first read it.

DragonMasterZero · Post by **DragonMasterZero** » Mon Apr 16, 2007 11:30 pm

"May those who follow their fate be granted Happiness. May those who defy their fate be granted Glory." Edel - Princess Tutu

Neon Heart · Post by **Neon Heart** » Mon Apr 16, 2007 11:52 pm

There's no point in talking to yourself, unless you're gonna listen.
Howie Mandel

Plank says beat it, or he'll call the cops!
Jonny from Ed Edd n Eddy, after he discovers the Eds are stuck in his wall.

heartlessarchangel · Post by **heartlessarchangel** » Tue Apr 17, 2007 9:05 pm

I don't have hobbies; hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free. -George Carlin

Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind
-William Shakespeare

To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day
To the last syllable of recorded time,
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing. -William Shakespeare

Maybe there ain't no sin and there ain't no virtue, they's just what people does. Some things folks do is nice and some ain't so nice, and that's all any man's got a right to say. -The Grapes Of Wrath

What do you think you are, for Chrissake, crazy or somethin'? Well you're not! You're not! You're no crazier than the average asshole out walkin' around on the streets and that's it. - One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest

"Art washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life."

-Pablo Picasso

"You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view... 'til you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it."

-Atticus Finch, To Kill a Mockingbird

Red: Rehabilitated? Well, Now let me see. You know, I don't have any idea what that means.

1967 Parole Hearings Man: Well, it means that you're ready to rejoin society.

Red: I know what *you* think it means, sonny. To me it's just a made up word; a politician's word. So young fellas like yourself can wear a suit and a tie, and have a job. What do you really want to know? Am I sorry for what I did?

1967 Parole Hearings Man: Well, are you?

Red: There's not a day goes by I don't feel regret. Not because I'm in here, or because you think I should. I look back on the way I was then, a young, stupid kid who committed that terrible crime. I want to talk to him. I want to try and talk some sense to him, tell him the way things are. But I can't. That kid's long gone and this old man is all that's left. I got to live with that. Rehabilitated? It's just a bullshit word. So you go on and stamp your form, sonny, and stop wasting my time. Because to tell you the truth, I don't give a shit. -The Shawshank Redemption

Kohdok · Post by **Kohdok** » Tue Apr 17, 2007 11:20 pm

All of these are true stories:

Once somebody asked a person in southern Texas what he though of our current president. He replied "He's like a Post Turtle." Confused, he was asked to clarify his meaning.

"Well, a post turtle is a turtle that's been put on a fence post: You know it couldn't have gotten up there on its own, it doesn't want to be there, and all you want to do is take the poor critter off."

During a game of boggle (A game where you roll dice on a tray and make words by connecting the letters): (I shall protect the identities of the innocent, or guilty... whatever...)

Person 1: Time's up.

Person 2: Man, that was a hard one. I was trying to make a really good word, but it was missing a letter.

Person 1: Were you trying to spell "Deism"?

Person 2: No, I was trying to spell "Shit".

A relative of mine is a Lawyer, so she has a lot of good stories. Here's one of them:

One of her clients lived in a really and I mean really bad neighborhood; so bad in fact that she had to keep a loaded pistol in her hand to feel safe. One night she woke up to see a man standing above her with a knife to her throat. She immediately pulled up her gun and shot the man, causing him to step backwards into the wall saying "You shot me!" She then chased him out of her house and down the street, shooting the whole time. Afterwards, she told my relative the story and was worried because she had heard stories that robbers would sue the person they were robbing if they got injured. My relative consoled her and in a show of good faith, called the sheriff and told him the story. However, the Sheriff told her not to worry. When asked why not, he replied:

"Ma'am, that's what we call crime prevention."

Here's another good one from that same relative: Once, she had a particularly belligerent client who felt that he had been wronged and threatened to come to the office, despite my relative telling him otherwise. He arrived and began to threaten her. However, as luck would have it, my relative had recently obtained an original Smith and Wesson .357 Magnum from another client (From whom it was being with-held, then fell into my relative's ownership). She pulled it out and aimed it at her client, despite it not being loaded (Though he didn't know that). Now, her client knew that my relative was normally a very nice, kind, and harmless- looking woman, so he said:

"Are you gonna shoot me?"

To which she replied:

"I dunno. My grandma shot my daddy once," as she pulled back the hammer. Needless to say, that man left in a hurry. About her Grandma, it's true, too. Her headstone even says "Pistol Packin' Momma" on it.

Jusenkyo no Pikachu · Post by **Jusenkyo no Pikachu** » Thu Apr 19, 2007 3:46 am

heartlessarchangel wrote:"You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view... 'til you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it."

-Atticus Finch, To Kill a Mockingbird

To understand a person, you must walk a mile in their shoes. That way, if they get angry at you, they'll be a mile away and you'll have their shoes.

Senshi_of_Vision · Post by **Senshi_of_Vision** » Mon Apr 23, 2007 9:37 pm

My favorite quote from one of my all time favorite Comedians Lewis Black

"Why do they call soy milk, milk? Soy doesnt have tits, get it right its soy juice. Its soy juice but people don't say soy juice because everytime you say soy juice you actualy start to gag! Now take that soy juice and get it away from my milk its contaminating the other dairy products."

LoL its a loose recollection from what I watched the other night but man I love his stand up hes insane.

Queen Of Hearts · Post by **Queen Of Hearts** » Tue Jun 05, 2007 9:25 pm

<3 Yay!

One is from Chris rock

"Now for all you people wondering, "Is America ready for a black president?" I say why not! We already had aretarded one!"

And my favortire

"White women burned their bras, Black men where burned alive!"

From kill bill

"Silly Rabit, trix are for kids..." Beatrix and O-ren

"Now if any of you F*cukers have anythign else to say, NOWS THE F*CKING TIME!" - O-ren <3

"Cut me some Slack,jack" Airplane

"You've even been in a cockpit before..?"
"No sir ive never been on a plane before!"
"You've ever seen a grown man naked?" - Airplane

"If I had a book what would it be called..?"
"The good the bad and the tubby" Tommy Boy

....XD

Parallax · Post by **Parallax** » Sun Nov 18, 2007 1:05 am

"Fear is the path to the Dark Side. Fear leads to Anger. anger leads to Hate. Hate leads to Suffering". ]Yoda from "Star Wars:Episode One: "The Phantom Menace".

Passions55 · Post by **Passions55** » Tue Nov 20, 2007 11:30 pm

cowabunga!!

Jusenkyo no Pikachu · Post by **Jusenkyo no Pikachu** » Wed Nov 21, 2007 10:57 am

Passions55 wrote:cowabunga!!

hahahaha, you made a funny?

My new one from a few days ago:

Me: What breed is Odie?
Coworker: I think a beagle or something.
Me: Was he a beagle in the movie?
Coworker: I don't know. Let's ask Coworker #2. He has it on DVD. Oy, Coworker #2, do you know what breed Odie is in the Garfield movie?
Coworker #2: Yeah, it's a dog.

Cue uncontrollable laughter from both myself and Coworker #1. Who tend to be the sharpest tools in the shed, compared to most of the other employees.

BTW: Yes, Odie in the comics is a beagle. However, according to Wikipedia, he was a dachshund in the movie.

Aishiteru · Post by **Aishiteru** » Wed Nov 21, 2007 2:13 pm

"I believe it was the philosopher Jagger who once said 'You can't always get what you want'" I <3<3<3<3<3 House!

"SILENCE" from the first Harry Potter movie.

Aya Reiko · Post by **Aya Reiko** » Wed Nov 21, 2007 4:39 pm

Jusenkyo no Pikachu wrote:
Passions55 wrote:cowabunga!!
hahahaha, you made a funny?

My new one from a few days ago:

Me: What breed is Odie?
Coworker: I think a beagle or something.
Me: Was he a beagle in the movie?
Coworker: I don't know. Let's ask Coworker #2. He has it on DVD. Oy, Coworker #2, do you know what breed Odie is in the Garfield movie?
Coworker #2: Yeah, it's a dog.

Cue uncontrollable laughter from both myself and Coworker #1. Who tend to be the sharpest tools in the shed, compared to most of the other employees.

BTW: Yes, Odie in the comics is a beagle. However, according to Wikipedia, he was a dachshund in the movie.

Snoopy is a beagle. In a recent Garfield Sunday strip, it made it clear that Odie's breed was unclear (aside from clown).
http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q158 ... 070826.gif

Jumbled Thoughts · Post by **MarioKnight** » Thu Nov 22, 2007 1:31 am

Perfect for those of us working retail or any other sort of customer service job this xmas (or anytime for that matter, but especially now).

"My customer service level is a reflection to the type of customer they are. Yet the worst customers don't understand this simple concept."

Quoteth the Gord

Iced_Cappucino · Post by **Iced_Cappucino** » Wed Dec 19, 2007 1:21 pm

"Y-O-U apostrophe R-E means you are, Y-O-U-R MEANS YOUR!" Ross, friends.

"I'll let you pet Mr. Whiskers" Spongebob Squarepants the movie

This one is from a book I read "Over the shoulder boulder holder" (A bra)

"But I'm no supergenius...Or are I?" Homer, The Simpsons.

"A well balanced diet is a cookie in each hand"

"I am your father" lol, classic line.

Post by **Tiff** » Wed Dec 19, 2007 2:36 pm

Iced_Cappucino wrote:"Y-O-U apostrophe R-E means you are, Y-O-U-R MEANS YOUR!" Ross, friends.

.

XD I love that episode/quote.

Iced_Cappucino · Post by **Iced_Cappucino** » Thu Jan 03, 2008 1:16 pm

Please don't eat my gun-Mihoshi

I just watched this episode so I had to quote it

EDIT: I HAD to put this one in

Ryoko: (Talking about the stones in Tenchi's sword) I want your balls give them to me.

Tenchi: (Covering genitals) No they're mine I'm keeping them.

Cracks me up every time.